"She CHEATED!!! Blog 50
I said, "I love you and good bye" but we forgot to hang up. She had me on speakerphone and on the other end I heard a different tone. "Why do you deal with that lame?" they asked. She replied, "He treats my heart the way it deserves to be treated." He counters, "Why are you with me then?" She says, "You treat my body the way it deserves to be treated." He says, "Good. Get on your knees."
From here, hearing her moan sounds I thought only I made her utter created a pain I couldn't understand. Why did she do this to me? She was my fiance. This is happening in my home. I have to record this on my iphone.
Minutes of an unforgettable series of noises proceeded to play through the lines. She screamed God's name. The moist sounds of their bodies collapsing against one another was like verbal gunshots to my heart. I endured. Capturing evidence of her infidelity required hatred and confusion to live in me. They climax. Sloppy kisses ring through my ears. She says his name…"Tyrone…I wish I was marrying you next week."
The latter part of her phrase pierced my heart like a knife through air. It was as if I had nothing there. In complete despair…I remembered the name. He was my brother. Ex-con, no job and with about as much education as a new born baby.Of course he would have a good stroke. With no work, he has time work on it. How did he cause her to love him? What did I do? Doesn't matter…we're through.
The parents, friends and family hear the news. Many asked for the recording, I didn't let them endure. I just sent her copy. Threatened her that if she didn't tell them, I would allow their ears to cry too. Four years, three babies and two baby daddies later she calls me. I pick up. We talk, laugh and say good bye. We forgot to hang up. I had her on speakerphone. My wife asks, "Why do you still talk to her?" I reply, "To show her that I have forgiven her but she hasn't forgiven herself." I hope she heard.
Standards aren't only meant for who you love but who enters your body as well. Buy Change Him In 100 Pages. See how it changes not just the men around you. The first 30 women to buy this week get a free wrapped gift for Christmas! www.ChangeAMan.com
"Is he your man…or a body occupying your time? Blog 49
Odds are, like many women in denial about your false relationship, you'll lie to yourself and say, "Yes. That's my man." yet when the next question pops…the answer gets fluddy.
It's not that painful, "Is he really your man?" We know many women reading this are just "talking to" someone assuming they're "their man" but have never been officially asked to be a girlfriend. This is the deeper inquisition that will only add a wound to the spirit of a woman who deserves better but accepts less.
How has he made you a better woman?
That single question probably has many women reevaluating their relationships. If you have no answer, it's solely because this man is just occupying your time. Giving you a warm body for the holidays…and nothing more. You see, men encourage, support and better women. Which is what women do to men.
When a woman or man is allowed to not offer that, forget their sex appeal, education or affection, they're offering nothing. This type of fellowship can help you see the Christ in you, the anointed gifts you own or the courage to use those gifts in a different way. Amazingly, if this answer is still escaping you and you've already donated the, "I love you", you're only preparing yourself for a deeper gash when this question wakes you one day.
Do you have your answer? Whatever it may be, you know the next move to make. Even if you want to act as if you don't…you will. Also, you will do what needs to be done without instruction. Why? God knows what's best for you. The moment you realize it too, He will teach you how to make it…or that body occupying your time….will just disappear.
Support prevention of pain. Change the cycle. Buy my book. www.ChangeAMan.com
"Did he earn your tears? Blog 48
One question many women can't seem to answer is…did he earn you?
If the question is answered, it's seldom in positive affirmation. My follow up question is almost always met with a broken, sad or painful answer. When I ask, "What did he do to earn you?" it appears I'm more apprehensive to the response than they are to utter it. Is being earned really foreign today? If so, who's fault is it?
This may be my shortest blog because the answers are simple. Women are being earned. It's just the cost to quality ratio is in question. When you can get an educated, God fearing and well to do women with only false promises, attention and jokes, then the price is being paid but not the amount expected for such style. Also, it's not that quality men are offering these amenities but men who shouldn't even be in conversation with these women.
If equally yoked men were solely entertaining these women, there would be no issue regarding earnership. What really hurts this is the "who earns you, why you allowed them in your space to earn you and why such an earner was expected to be more than you knew he was." Women aren't charity and giving to the needy will only set us back. Deadbeats who get good women ruin the gene pool.
This helps create the modern day tradition of horrible families. When a man knows he doesn't have to work hard for a woman, it transcends into the future of how she is treated. If he doesn't earn you, what makes you think he will work to keep the relationship, be a husband or stay as a father?
Men don't fear or aren't intimidated by a woman who desires to be earned. We're turned on by such standard. We marry women who keep their standards and solely have sex with women who don't. What you want to be is up to you. It's all in your standards. Earnership is crucial to obtaining the love you desire. Be earned or be regretful.
Prostitutes Confession Blog 47
He is expected to pay in order to lay. He expects to pay. She knows he will. It will be the price she sets. Believe it or not, he has no bargaining leverage. If he wants the sweet nectar, he'll shell out the quote. He does, they do and she's on to the next. She's a prostitute. Her price gets paid.
What are you? How much does it cost to touch you? Is that price being paid? Odds are, your answers are vague. You probably wouldn't dare deem yourself a "prostitute." Such a term is demeaning in this…. or any age. Believe it or not, the dictionary describes every woman as a prostitute. Pros-ti-tute: noun a person, typically a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment. Just because you aren't asking for money, doesn't mean you aren't asking for payment. If you aren't asking for anything, then you aren't a prostitute but something lesser.
Having standards is a sticker price to your blessings. If any man wants it, he'll have to meet it. Sadly, when some women believe having standards aligns with being "stuck up, too picky or high and mighty" it adversely inspires women to have no standards at all. Thus, being a free for all. When that John leaves her, it is he who leaves "winning" and she who is broken. Don't believe this trend has begun? "I gave him so much and he didn't deserve it" is a familiar statement uttered by many women. Either he was given a discount or free entry. No matter the amount, if he earned her, such words wouldn't be spoken. This must change.
Being a prostitute is usually associated with the following definition:
• Figurative a person who misuses their talents or who sacrifices their self-respect for the sake of personal or financial gain. When in reality, it's not. Your body has a price. Jesus gave up His body just for you to have a choice. When I meet women who think it's ungodly for men to earn them, I see a future of sadness. How many mothers gave away a valuable moment to absent fathers who never broke a sweat in their quest for sex? How many children wish their mothers would have made daddy earn it? How many more families will be broken until we understand a price MUST be paid for your time, heart and vagina?
Set a price, stick to it and ignore anyone who isn't willing to pay. You can only hire one person to marry you, why stick around accepting all under-qualified applicants? If you're rejecting this theory because "I've been alone for so long, any man will do" is your mantra…understand being miserable with company isn't a badge of honor it's a sign of poor decision making.
Virgin Mother of Three Blog 46.
Naked, she stares at the ceiling. Still wet from the event. His back is facing hers as he sleeps. She hears nothing but the toxic sounds of regret. This moment is an old tradition.
When he wakes up, he'll leave. Probably to his wife, girlfriend... or boyfriend. No matter the direction, it won't be a lifetime with her. How does this keep happening?
Taking her barrier off in hopes he'll put a ring on. Instead, it's so he can get in. Once inside her body, he never chases her heart. She relives the conversation before it starts. Preparing herself for his escape. He awakes.
"Can I ask you a question?" She asks. He says, "Of course beauty. "Am I wife material?" Without hesitation, "Yes" he replies. "Am I someone you would marry?" An apprehensive yet excited, "Of course." She waits…"Then when will you propose?" He says, "…" Before he can begin she finishes for him. "I know, you're not the label type, you're not where you want to be financially, you like things the way they are or commitment will complicate our relationship?" Startled…he smiles and says, "You got it." With her children asleep, she breaks a chain. Asking him to leave permanently. Then gets on her knees to own up to her promise.
God didn't make her to be a mother of three with three different baby daddies. All with commitment issues but without any issue when it came to unprotected sex and responsibility abandonment. Her choices violated her happiness. Now she's on her way to church. With children in tow. Becoming born again won't change her past but will start a new tradition in her future. She'll be ready for the next man to find her heart inside the bosom of Christ. Why? That's where it will be found now.
You can judge her, be her or become her. Whatever you do, make sure you're ending matches her new beginning.
How To Abuse A Strong Woman Blog 45
She. Educated, opinionated and level headed. Not one for games. A woman who is wife material. Her weakness? She's "at that age" where she needs to be married. Looking for a Boaz she became desperate, indirectly. Any man that says the right is Mr. Right. When he arrived, with his words…she became Ruth for a moment.
He. Intelligent enough to know her type. He's played so many women, Xbox calls him for advice. He can be a husband but the game is too fun. His weakness? Women never push him to earn it. Thus, he gets used to "acting" and being given free hearts, time and vagina without his representative breaking a sweat. He gave her the moment she prayed for. She never saw what was in store. It's an addictive drug of toying with hearts. This story may be his overdose.
Honeymoon Phase. With the cunning tongue of a politician, he pushed all the correct buttons. Made her see a life of he and she that made fairytales look lesser. She fell. Compromising in ways she's never done. He was worth her contradiction. Only if you heard his tales…you too would become a believer. The sweet texts, kisses that lasts forever and the seemingly overwhelming desire to know everything about her. She reunited with an old smiled that abandoned her. The friends, family and even strangers loved him. She was in…and so was he.
Isolation. Friends who accepted him became accomplices to his game. Any who inspired skepticism became his enemies. Implanting ideas of, "They're jealous of you", "Always after something" or "Maybe they were never your friend." Slowly but surely she was alone. Her best wasn't good enough for him and anyone she could call, lost her number. Jailed in a cell of confusion. Whatever she did right was wrong and what she did wrong was evil. Finally broken, she only had him to turn to. This was the end of a happy beginning.
The first abuse was mental. Making sure she felt inferior to him. Breaking her down spiritually was the second. Her actions weren't of a Godly woman. “Maybe God wants me to suffer.” She thought. The third was verbal. Either she wasn't pretty in that dress or her curves were unfit. Next, physical. One push followed by an apology then gifts. A punch came with kicking him out the house…then and invite back, sex and "I'll never do it again, baby." Lastly, when the bruises could no longer hide behind shades, long sleeves and excuses of "I fell." she shot him…in defense. Now her life is ruined by a boy who pretended to be Boaz.
You don't have to be a character in this story. When you see the signs, when you feel the isolation or any forms of abuse…leave. Don't turn back. Old folk may tell you, "Trouble don't last always" that may be true but I ask you this, as I close…Why take the risk?
Do You Really Want To Be A Wife? Blog 44
Quick story. My fiance and her two best friends are very unique. They had dreams of becoming doctors. What did they do? They attended the great University of Miami. Made mostly A's and B's. All graduated top of their classes. Two went on the the prestigious Morehouse School of Medicine and the last attended the top rated Mercer University. Why did these women bust their backsides to join the few people who can say they are doctors, additionally to have graduated from top universities? Easy...they had a goal and did what would get them the BEST chance to reaching their goal thus they all achieved their goal. Now, are you dreaming about being one with someone?
Think about it...do you honestly want to be someone's wife? Have you sat down and thought about the wedding ring, wedding dress and wedding day? Have you figured out your color combinations, themes and maid of honors? What about your vows, honeymoon and teary eyed relatives who are so happy you made the leap? I might be forgetting a key component to this equation... It's teasing my mind. I know I'll remember what is missing...Ooooh, the husband! Did you factor that into your dreams? If so, then who...who are you entertaining? Do they look like they'll help build that image you just constructed? Are they what you believe can assist in co-leading your entire life? Do you constantly date men who are husband material? If you answered no to the previous three questions then...you may already know the answer to this blog.
Back to the story...are you setting yourself up to be a wife? Are you performing the necessary actions to give you the best chances of being a wife? Big question...are you now realizing why your dream may now be a nightmare courtesy of the horrible decisions you've been making? That last line was in love. This isn't a "feel bad" blog but a "I know I can do better, should do better and will do better" blog.
We are the generation with the MOST accessible knowledge yet we choose to hide behind ignorance,finger pointing and "I was raised like this" blaming. Many mothers were simply one-night stands, girlfriends or sex partners but never wives. They indirectly taught their daughters to search for, love, have sex with and babies from deadbeat men who are living synonyms for their dad. Sweetheart, you have a choice. Your dream can be reality. I don't fall for the "That's a fairytale" lie bitter, broken and poor decision making women have told you. What you've owned as the picture perfect day is possible. The choices you've made is what makes this idea impossible.
If you want to become a medical doctor, you don't attend Clown University and major in Jokes 101. When you honestly look in the mirror to decide if you TRULY want to be a wife, then start positioning yourself to be one. It's not about just talking or looking like one...but being one. Need help? Follow three simple rules: 1. Chase your goals like without them, you'll die. Men love women who have lives before them. 2. Imagine a little child is watching all of your actions. Either on social media, in public or business/education. Husbands don't typically marry liabilities. Women who still think being loud, having booty shot or "Look at where I got drunk" photos are "in." 3. ONLY DATE MEN WHO YOU CAN LOOK AT HONESTLY AND SAY, "He's marriage material." Not the, "If he had...etc he would be marriage material" but the RIGHT NOW version of him. We all get better but a man who can get all of you without showing you he can get better...won't have a reason to. Be loved right.
"Dear Future Bitter Baby Momma" Blog 43
No, this is not a blame letter. No, it won't be long. No again, you won't hate yourself when I'm done. What is about to take place is a lesson you will pass on to your child, friends and heart for years to come. If not that…it'll be denial you hold on for life. First, before I love you, let me educate you on what a baby momma is.
When a woman gets pregnant with hopes of that child keeping a man around, only to treat that child like trash once that old failed tradition fails her…that's a baby momma. Any woman who neglects a child because "living it up" is more important…that's a baby momma. Lastly, if your child spends more time with strangers, grandparents and babysitters than around you solely because you rather not deal with the responsibility…that's a baby momma. Now that that's out of the way, let's help save you from this tragedy…or foreshadow your future.
(Pay close attention) Odds are, your mother is a single parent or you know an older relative who is. She indirectly taught you that sex, attention or a child won't keep a man…but are you paying attention? How many of your friends have children but no wedding rings, men who love them or fathers who want more than to be an in home liability? Ask yourself this question, did the last man who entered you deserve that opportunity or… did you donate it with hopes of him proving his potential? A deadbeat man becomes a deadbeat father. (I hope you knew that.) You might think these questions are unrelated…be ready.
Amazingly, there are no victims in this cycle of sex, baby and neglect except…the baby. An innocent child, who didn't ask to be here ,will be forced to roam this earth pondering the unanswered questions, "Where's my daddy?", "Why did momma choose him?" and "What was so wrong about me that made him run away?" Sadly, you won't be able to answer them if you choose men who don't earn you, never loved you and didn't commit to you with their promise to God…but their penis. This is where the lesson ends.
Before any woman opens her legs, she makes an indirect decision. She unconsciously says, "This moment is worth the struggle, sacrifice and suffering I'll endure once he abandons me after this baby comes. " Especially since many women who are pregnant are pregnant by men who aren't even their boyfriends, fiances or husbands. Just people they slept with. If you are going to open your legs, do your future a favor…no, this isn't the old, "Have standards" talk….but "live your standards reality." If you aren't married to this man, he didn't earn you and you're having sex with him because you really have nothing else to offer…keep your legs closed. Besides HIV, Herpes or a baby…what is worse than being heart broken knowing someone owns a part of your history but isn't planning on writing the entire story with you. Live your standards or hate this message.
"Do You Look Good Naked? Blog 42
Ready, she waited. Hoping my words would spark the beginning of a passion she wanted. I teased. Asking her to get on her knees…to pray with me. Confused…she obliged. Thinking this was a hindrance she wanted it over quick. We finished. In her mind she knew the fun would start. It began. I asked her…to get naked.
Jumping out of her blouse, ripping off her bra and shimming out of her pants was an immediate action. With just socks and panties, she inquired if I would do the rest. I obliged. Again…she waited. At this moment she expected me to touch a body that resembled a goddess…and then some. Her curves were so dangerous that running my fingers on them would definitely cause an accident. She…was ready. Now…she's naked.
With a grin I asked her for a favor. While bare, I thought a dare wouldn't hurt. She is now sick of my teases and wants her release but I charmed my way into another 5 minutes. I asked, "Will you do me a favor?" She…obliged. I asked her how sexy are you? You have the body women dream of but the standards of an online high school. How sexy are you? I was only cute, funny and had a bit of free time now I have you naked ready to give me a gift only few should have…how sexy are you? If you are this dime you speak of…why didn't it take more than free time for me to touch your money maker? How sexy are you? Quiet, she felt betrayed. Naked, she allowed anger to dictate her actions but for a moment she thought about my questions. She replied.
"I don't know", she said. "Time, jokes and attention helps me stop worrying about being me. I'm hunted by men who act like friends beside me but really want to be inside me. When men make me laugh, they take the stress of being prey away. I'm afraid of women because the judge my looks as a reason to hate but in reality, I just want love. I want friends who can love me and a boyfriend who will support me. Somehow, I thought having sex would make me someone's wife. At least I could be special to someone just for a moment. I'm trapped. I know I'm worth more but my friends and society convince me that men won't work for "it" anymore. So giving it up easy becomes the only way I think I can keep a decent man. I'm naked…hoping your touch will help me forget all my regrets. I just want to be loved and I think…thought…sex was the entrance." She closed. I spoke.
If sex is the route to love then ask yourself…when was the last time God had sex with you? What you have to offer can't fit in a Victoria Secret bag. It's not even sold at Wal-Mart. No merchant can create it. Inside you, is a gift only earned men should have. Rather than using your body to find love, take your body into a church. Demand any man who wants you…to find you there. When your hearts wrapped in Christ, if a man doesn't know Him…he won't know you or shouldn't. Take your clothes, this message and get dressed with… a new purpose.
Is Girlfriend The New Wife? Part 2 Blog 41
She moans. Sweat paints his chest as her moves change the temperature in the room. He grips the back of her neck as cue that the position is changing. Submitting, she endures a painful pleasure. Smiles, sweet kisses and thoughts of repeating this sexual roller coaster. They are content with a moment. This is passion. About 270 days later, this will be a 5th of the story.
Less than a year after penetration, they decide to move in together. More of the theme park play occurs. Movies, bowling and dinner eats up their hours outside of intimacy. She wants more but realizes the statistics of failed marriages. Besides, she's afraid to ask for a ring since if he was ready…he would've asked. She enjoys this time. They are content with a moment. This is just a 5th of the story.
One popped condom, maybe he didn't use one or she didn't want him too, whatever the reason, a baby is due. Unwed, in a weird form of lustfilled love, they bicker about keeping it. She wants the baby in hopes it will keep him, he wants an abortion since he's not sure if he'll stay. Both aren't ready to be parents but their arguments lead to an indecision…a baby is born. Content with being a mother of child, she rests. This…is a 5th of the story.
Baby is born, the love is torn but the endure. Sex doesn't change, neither do their last names. She wants more. He can give it but excuses ranging from his upbringing, fear of divorce and not having enough money always execute her hopes of being a wife. She's given him everything, is left with nothing but doesn't have a wedding ring. He wanted to keep the fun of sex as fun but now a child is born and being a daddy isn't part of his makeup, he leaves. She's broken. Her tears are content with dancing on her face, she isn't. This a 5th of the story.
He never earned her to begin with, thus she wants a new man. Someone warm who will hold her, since winter is coming. Yet, no matter who, being addicted to never setting a demand, makes every man happy with being temporary. She wants to be a wife but is always afraid to date men who are husband material. Instead, she entertains men who will entertain her…but never marry her. She baby sits grown boy/men and is sick of it. However, she never gets the cure for her ailment. It's called, "Standards." Amazingly, she's content with being another man's long time girlfriend. One day they may ask her to be more but when you date boy/men who say "No" to growing up…that hope…is out of luck. Final 5th...don't be content with being her.
"What Kills Good Men Blog 40
He jumps from high school to college. He drops out of high school and enters jail. One wants to leave the hood better than he found it. The other praises the pain it provides. His deciding on a degree instead of drug dealing made him a star in his mother's eyes. Him choosing drugs, money and excuses was a reason why his mother cried. They both grew up with the same story, neighborhood and opportunities. The journey of becoming men…is all about choice.
She went from a hood high school to Harvard. Gets a PhD at 25. Keeps her virginity and prays more than she studies. Her priorities are in order. He gains a Masters degree while watching his mother die of cancer. Despite footing the medical bills, he struggles, sacrifices and suffers…but makes it. He is serving 5-7 then decides to get his GED upon release. Never one for school, he gets it only to prove, "Momma ain't raise no fool." Paths begin to cross.
Ten people show up to see him walk the stage accepting a PhD…his third degree. 300 people throw him a block party once jail set him free. Accustomed to praise for mediocrity, he lavishes in the light of music, weed and street glee. When you become a celebrity for doing wrong but a footnote for doing right, many lose sight. Not this young knight, at least not this night. Humble and thankful, he takes photos with the ten.The three soon meet…with grins.
She meets him after his new degree and her alumni speech. Exchange numbers and smiles. Later she accepts an invitation to a block party then meets an ex con with charisma, a rap sheet and GED. They exchange numbers, smiles and jokes about her being a nerd. About her business she goes to church the next Sunday, hoping God will answer her and give direction on who to call and what to say. Behind her she sees the PhD. Praying silently. Never knowing she was there. She waits, waves and he grins. As if he was asking God for a sign about his future girlfriend. Sitting,praying and working together becomes a weekly tradition. She forgets Mr. GED until...insanity enters.
He chooses a career changing job interview over watching her sister graduate school. She refuses to accept his decision. Ex con attends the celebration by accident and sees the woman who didn't call and has been absence for months…about seven. He charms, angry, she smiles. He persuades, she ignores but eventually bends. Now she's justifying sleeping with him because of a choice made by the other him. 11 months pass and the story is different. She still has her education with all those degrees…and a baby. No father in sight because the drug game took his life. The child will grow up enduring the decisions of the mother. Ones she didn't have to make. Mr. Phd now has a family. Refusing to play step daddy to a cheater, he prayed again and God brought a woman with common sense within. In the end…it's amazing what a smile and bad choices will get you. Even more amazing when you accept what God gives you.
"Fake Gay Fad Ruins Love Blog 39
Okay, so in high school she was promiscuous. Slept with anyone who said yes, gave her a compliment and was born a man. She then dates a few wrong men…then 'turns' gay? Amazingly, she only wants to sleep with women…many of them. Why? "They're just women" is her reply (as if she isn't one). She loves a few, lives the culture and is a rainbow card carrying member.
I enter the picture.
She tells me, "Don't try to holler, I'm a lesbian. Respect me." I do. We meet, kiss and get physical yet, she's, "100% Lesbian"? I bring light to her life through knowledge, inspire her and show her things unseen prior. In a month she is ready to no longer be…lesbian. Wait…so what happens to all the women she, "Loved", slept with and gave the impression that she was, "100% Lesbian"?
They watched her write poems and tell stories about me then plan happy endings for me. Confused as they should be. She was "100% Lesbian." How could one good man come into her life for a month and "change" her? Well…it wasn't that hard. As a matter of fact, if you're heterosexual and all it takes is a month to alter your preference…you were never heterosexual. Maybe bi-sexual, confused or just…horny. Definitely not heterosexual. It went like this.
Many women are fake gay. As a fad. Something caused by 1. HORRIBLE life decisions in men. They blame deadbeat men for making them gay then turn around and date the SAME TYPE of women. It's not like they upgrade…just go from boxers to panties. Both deadbeats. 2. Women being confused by the society, sex and fun. When all the gay people (real gay people) are fighting for rights, love and self expression, they want part of that. Are they willing to admit to being in love with a gay person? Yes, but it's temporary. Once the sex is over, they'll grow out of it and want to put on a pretty dress for their wedding. (A wedding with a man they'll expect to accept them for their former gay ways) and 3. Immaturity. Some women are just followers with no leadership skills. If you add a nice body to an impressionable mind, you get a fake lesbian. (Sometimes minus the body) It's sick because real lesbians are hurt by these, "I'm gay today, straight tomorrow" people. It's funny because I've been told this in my one man show, "My Wife Hates My Boyfriend" So, I just was myself, a good man. That's all it took. If she didn't date boys with men ages, she may have never 'turned' gay. How does this ruin love?
With so many women claiming to be gay, they create confusion. Men want them to have threesomes, experiment or they're flat-out wasted courtesy of so much sex. When it comes time to meet Mr. Right, you're a shell of yourself. Mr. Right is expected to heal you but in reality, as men are learning, we aren't spending time fixing you when there are healed women without such poor decision making skills. Moral of the story? Stop following fads. If you're gay, be gay. If not, stop playing with hearts. You're not just ruining your future.
"She called me the "N" word. Blog 38
With a grin…she said it. As if her words weren't enough, the addition of a nonchalant smirk made it worse. I'm hurt. Couldn't see it coming. When those disgusting letters formed a nasty word which drooled out of her mouth, I finally snapped. She called me…the "N" word. I gave her the "B" word. We parted ways, never to be together again. What is the word? The word frequently used by mentally unstable, destined for disaster and ugly hearted people…it's "Nice"
I opened doors, called to say good night, sent good morning text messages, gave her Biblical verses to help her throughout the day and even prayed with her when life got too tough. When time came for me to pop the question, she said it. All I wanted to be was her man. She told me I was just a good friend. I asked, "Isn't that what great relationships are made of? Two great friends loving one another?" Without looking at me she said, "Yeah, but I like my friends with an edge to them." So…I gave her an edge.
Hands balled, back straightened and teeth clinched I mustered the following: "Your last man couldn't spell man but he was "edgy" enough to break your heart then keep you chasing him. The men you date all seem to have nothing going on with their life so I guess the uncertainty of achieving adulthood is "edgy" to you. With your education you'll end up with an amazing job but if you keep this up, the only love you'll own will be from a child whose "edgy" father got you pregnant then left. You talk about what type of men you want but it's truly about the type of men you accept. I blame myself for wasting time on a woman who's made so many ill decisions. I guess trying to do what women do for deadbeat men is pointless. I'm done with this conversation and my teeth are hurting too much. I hope you change what you accept because until you do, you'll always be an option waiting to happen." She accepted my moment.
In shock but not amazed. She had no words for the barrage of "love" sent her way. We locked emotionless eyes but stayed motionless. Waiting for one to say something. I broke the ice. "Why is being too "NICE" a bad thing? I would want my daughter to be with a man who was too nice. Why would I want a man who was just nice enough or nice. She deserves more. Don't you want someone to make you feel like a queen everyday. Even on days when you don't look it?" She interrupted. "It's not that nice is bad. It's just too much of it is. I begin to think you're too good to be true. That scares me. When a man is flawed, it let's me know he's real. When he seems perfect, it makes me think he's hiding something." The bomb came.
"Well" I said, "If too good to be true is too good for you then I'm happy my time won't be wasted on someone who expects trash and hopes to find treasure inside it." She nodded. With rage, confusion and disdain dancing in my heart, I amazingly uttered the "B" word as we both decided this friendship had to end. I said…poetically, "No matter what you do, who you love, just remember you deserve what you accept and nothing more. I won't be your friend, because I didn't sign up to be in the friend zone but I will say this… I'll pray for your awakening. When you do wake up, just know most heartbreak is caused by one undeserving heavily flawed person gaining the heart of a deserving person. You take care, remember that statement and lose my number but most importantly (here it comes) …be "Blessed
"Her Proposal To Him Blog 37
"Would you marry me?" she says. He replies. "Funny, babe. Take your clothes off. I only have thirty minutes before work." She asks, "Nope, you're not getting any until you answer me." He says, "Well, since you're making me wait, I'll play along. Just know I'm not one of these play boys. I have to tell the truth so don't get hurt. Do you still want to know?" She says, "Okay, I'm ready." He says, "My answer is no." Hurt and taken back. She stares into his eyes and witnesses his seriousness. Confused, she knows he will only tell more. She waits.
"I see you looking sad over there but you wanted the truth. Why would I marry you? I mean, I didn't even have to make you my girlfriend and I got all of you. What else could I get? What would be the benefit of keeping you for my entire life? Think about it. I didn't earn you. I didn't work to get you. I was just charming, funny and nonchalant. I gave you attention, some laughs and had a good stroke. I barely chased you. If that's all it took to get you, why would I want to keep you? Any man can do what I did. If another man does just a little more, he can take you away from me."
She says, " Even though we're not together officially, I only have sex with you and don't talk to anyone else." He says," I just can't trust your loyalty. For the fun we have, that's all fine and dandy. Taking it to the next level is reserved for a woman who requires commitment first. You're just my friend with benefits." She says, "I'm not easy. Everybody can't have me. It was something special about you that got me so fast." He asks, "What was it? What was so special about me that allowed a woman who thinks she's wife material to give herself away for free?" She says, "You were different" He says, "That's it? I wasn't ambitious, goal oriented or did I teach you something 'special.' What you're really trying to say is I was everything you knew wouldn't love you right. You hoped I would change because you saw my "nice" side when I was trying to get into your pants. I guess you thought that meant I had the potential to love you, right? Now why would I marry a woman who makes such poor decisions?"
Wide eyed, tears flowing like rivers. Broken, confused and in shock, she says, "You're wrong, I know you have potential. You just grew up wrong. I think I can be the one to teach you how to love." He says, "That's where you're wrong. That's why you're just a glorified booty call. I don't need you to teach me anything. I'm not a boy. I'm a man. A man who knows right from wrong. I made a decision to treat you this way. Women always think we don't know how to love or our upbringing makes us treat you wrong. Man, it's just a cop out because all of you believe it. Why would we ever change the story when women keep accepting it? Well, I have to go to work. Guess you're going to try to "change me" or find a man who will earn you. If you do decide to "change a man" make sure it's a man who really wants you, earns you and deserves you. They're the only ones worth changing. I guess you have choices to make."
They laugh together and she says, "Man, this play is going to be so amazing! Hope people who see it are inspired." He says, "I honestly think it will just be entertaining. Women aren't going to pay attention to this but hey, they'll at least see the mirror." She says, "I know I did, husband. Standards work." He says, "Yes they do, babe. Let's finish the script tomorrow."
Only if this wasn't reality…and just a play.
A woman's "I Have A Dream Speech" Blog 36
If I presented you with an apple or french fries, you would automatically know the apple is healthier for you. However, many would eat the fries. When decades pass, those who chose the apple are living without diabetes, heart issues or non-hereditary cancers. While those who choose fries over apples end up with such problems. This world makes bad look desirable and good undesirable.
No wonder we have obese babies, children and adults but they all feel as if, "There's nothing I can do." In the same sense, it plays into who we decide to love. A good man calling you every morning is called, "Aggravating, a bugaboo or stalker" but if that bad boy didn't call you, your day would be broken. You know he's no good for you and you know the men who are good for you. For you to keep accepting bad over good will only ruin your life, the life of your future children or loved ones who are stuck watching you go from one deadbeat love to another. I'm asking you to do something today. Something special. Something that will be even more powerful than the "I Have A Dream" speech. I'm asking you to choose good.
If more women chose good over bad, these grown boyish men would have no one to corrupt. It's time for a new trend. Be the apple eater. If you keep eating the fries and hoping they will turn into apples, you'll just be another obese, broken hearted and sick woman saying to herself, "There's nothing I can do." I'm here to tell you...be the Martin Luther King Jr of your life.
I have a dream, one day that all my sisters will be in joyous relationships. Holding hands with men who will risk their lives for their hearts. I have a dream, that one day, women everywhere will not have to play mommy and daddy to their innocent children. I have a dream, love with outweigh lust in the minds of women. Then bad boys who can only offer a "good stroke" will be forced to add something more to their resume.
From Facebook to Twitter to Instagram Let standards ring! Let standards ring! Let standards ring so women will be free at last to be loved right!
"How Women Can STOP HIV In A Day Blog 35
Legs opened. She grins. Her heart smiles. He grabs. They sweat. In a few moments, they'll both sleep peacefully. Baby girl won't have any regrets. No worries about pregnancy. The bothersome, "Will he call me tomorrow?" or infamous, "Is he going to treat me differently?" questions won't dance in her mind. Most importantly, when those late night HIV commercials run…she'll view it as entertainment instead of her potential reality. Why? This woman finally cracked the code.
What's the code? Let's see if you figure it out. "HIV infects women at higher rates than men." That's the message. The code inside the message is, "Men infect women with HIV." Simple right? From there, she made sure ANY man who slept with her was tested, her monogamous man (Not friend with benefits) and made protection a desirable pleasure. She topped it off with one cure many seldom speak about….she knows she's worth all of the above.
What will you lose by having standards that a man must wear condoms, get tested and be monogamous in order to sleep with you? Nothing. Maybe he'll leave because he wants you to be an option, not the priority. Maybe he'll say, "I like it raw because it feels better." Maybe he's afraid to get tested. Well, if that's what you think you have to lose….think about these following words/phrases: HIV, single parent, abortion, depression, herpes, embarrassing your family, being his nagging "baby momma"…etc.
Today, right now, women EVERYWHERE can literally stop HIV.
Make this your sexual standard:
Get tested together.
You deserve it. Yes…you. In order for HIV to spread, you must first spread your legs. After that, he must have HIV. The calculation is simple. Two HIV negative people don't produce HIV. Check my math. Now, if you know he's infected but he's undetectable and wearing a condom, then you're better than most. However, if you don't know his status, you're playing Russian Roulette with your body. You're worth more than a couple moments of sex. Especially when those few minutes can change your life forever. You're a jewel. This December 1st can be the end of HIV for all precious gems like you. Yes..I'm declaring it. It takes YOU. Yes….YOU. Three steps. A man can't infect a woman who won't let him inside of her without a condom and status update.
It ends this year. Will you be part of the change or someone who is changed by their status? Let this status be the change. Pass it on.
How Good Are Bad Boys? Blog 34
"How To Beat "Tetris" Blog 33
Insomniac must be my middle name. Another sleepless night. The horrid sounds of a roaring bear keeps my attention. Turns out, it was just my chihuahua snoring again. At least he's getting z's. An idle mind and hands are the devil's playground, right? Well, guess I have an excuse to play Tetris.
I've reached level 14 before. Felt like an almost champion. As if I was bigger than the game. Call me the "Lebron" of Tetris…well…the Lebron before he won championships. My goal was to reach level 15 and beat it. Eyes wide awake. Fingers pressed against the screen. I'm on level 14 again! At this point, even if my fiancee calls…I'm not answering. My aim is 15 and I'm getting there. Wait…something is happening…
I'm on level 15! This is my big moment. It's getting a bit easier…no…ugh! The game is going too fast! I knew the computer would cheat once I got close! Not this time. I have to get it! WHAT? I didn't want to slide the square there! Man, I'm not going to make it. Too close to the top. Okay, I'll watch as I fail again. Hold on…
Not this time. If I just keep the long line vertically to the right, my blocks on the far left and use those little t blocks wisely, I can win. Still close to the top. I won't quit. The background is red now. I'm about to lose. I won't quit. I've been here before. I've gotten too close and failed. I failed last time because I gave up. I stopped the game. I quit. I won't do it again. The screen is flashing red. I'm still getting lines knocked down. The screen is still flashing red. I'm not going to give up! Another line knocked down. I'm still going. I'm still in the game. The screen is still flashing red. I got another line…the screen turns black…I won.
Life is like Tetris. Sometimes we are close to achieving our goals but give up because rules, requirements or words from friends tell us, "You're about to lose." Only if you didn't give up on that degree. Only if you didn't give up on that dream. Only if you didn't give up on that child. Maybe, you would've won your "Tetris." I played it again this morning and beat the game. This time was even easier. Believe it or not, it's not always about being the best, fastest or greatest. Most success is left for those who just didn't quit. After a while, it gets easier. You just have to do…what you did last time.
"Is True Love Dead?" Blog 32
A man only hits a woman if he 'loves' her. A woman only cheats because she wasn't 'loved' right. We make babies when we 'love' someone but abandon parenthood because our parents didn't 'love' us. All of the above are signs of a sickness. Nonetheless, it's perceived as 'love'. We watch TV shows with women being toyed around by playboys who aren't even their boyfriends, men cheat on their wives out of 'confusion' and insecure people loving anyone with a pulse hoping the evident frog becomes royalty. True love isn't dead…our standards have died and desperation has risen.
When Infatuation, Lust and Loneliness had a baby, they named it, 'Love.' This is where everything went wrong. Rather than taking time to research someone, understanding their actions or getting to know their mindset, we haplessly stumble into relationship via the incident called, 'Lust.' When we share our bodies, we share more than just sexual organs. Spirits, emotions and an irreplaceable piece of you is given. Once you're tied into this person, what they did prior to sex is now paid attention to. Before sex, If they didn't call you everyday, it didn't bother you. Now after sex, you hold them at fault for doing what was their norm. When they don't change, you call them players, "different" or fault them for allowing sex to alter their behavior. They didn't change, your expectations of what sex SHOULD do weren't met. Instead of allowing them to earn your heart, you stayed throughout this mockery of a relationship (most aren't even official) then eventually, within about 3 months, you won't leave this person because…you 'love' them. They never earned your love, you donated it courtesy of sexual charity (they didn't earn that either) When the person hurts you, you blame 'love.' The traditional, "I'll never fall in love again" is rarely met when someone actually earned your love. This is one reason why we think true 'love' is dead. Anyone can get it from us because we're desperate to give it.
In order for true love to die, God would have to die as well. Last I checked, we're still alive, thus God is here to stay. God is love and as I know it, God has taught us that this pitiful view of 'love' we share is more theatrical than reality. We want to find a person who will love us as is, treat us the way we deserve and be everything we need. Meanwhile, we can't, won't or don't know how to deliver the same ingredients. Thus, when we meet someone who can do the above, the following painful terms are given, "You're too nice", "You're too good to be true", "I'm not ready for someone like you, yet", "Something must be wrong with them" or the infamous, "I can't date you because I'll corrupt you." We want what we don't accept and accept what we shouldn't want. In the end, when what we shouldn't accept hurts us…we blame 'love'.
What would happen if women waited until men actually earned them? What would happen if men were inspired to earn women because if they didn't…they would not get women? What would happen if we couldn't love someone unless we first won the approval of their parents? What would happen? We probably would have less children without loving parents, more healthy couples and a society where love was evident in our music, cinema and lives. We've lost the desire to be earned. Just because you can make an entire meal in 2 minutes, doesn't mean your love should be won in 3 months. Why not be the oven instead of the microwave? Could you imagine your mother cooking Thanksgiving using only a microwave oven? How would that taste? How special would that be? Let's go back. Let's rewrite love for this generation.
Ancient Medicine To Our Epidemic: They earn your contact information, earn your attention, earn priority, earn your love, earn your families trust, earn your hand and earn your body. This formula is old, but can be the cure to the infection we are voluntarily ingesting. Now us this. Yes, it may take you a year to fall in love with someone. It may seem like you're taking too long. It may appear to be a waste of time. I promise you this, there is nothing amazing about a turkey eaten before it was ready. Love is a process. If you're meant to love one person until death, then shouldn't that love take time to be earned? If I'm wrong, then compare that to the love around you. The people who loved quickly…are they right? Are they in happy relationships? Are they in the love you desire? Think about it, change it or stay where we are.
"Why We Cheat, Abuse Then Betray You yet… You Accept It & Stay Blog 31
I'll make this simple…men have figured it out. Yes, men have figured women out. Not just women but the "ratio" idea, desperation and needs of women. We know how to mistreat you and keep you despite such treatment. Let's break it down.
Men know in most cities women outnumber them. Which causes us to act a fool. We are in the belief that WE are the scarce commodity thus, we know if one doesn't act right, we can easily find another. Oooh…and that desperation thing.
As women get between the age of 24-35 they become very…very…very desperate. What does that mean for women? Well, you become like a bleeding, fat and finless fish in a sea of hungry, standardless and scandalous sharks. What does that mean for men? Think of a shark who can have a school of fish everyday of the week at least until he's 40? Yeah…you get a shark who won't commit to any one fish for a very long time. Well, in the case of the sad situation of relationships, we realize that men know that the standards of women decrease over years. Thus, men know…after a while, the lack of a job, ambition and life goals won't matter. Why? Because most women around that age have their careers, lives and homes in order. Needing a man who can provide such becomes less and less important but having a live body around gravitates to being priority. This is how we think…because we evidently are succeeding at this idea. If you don't believe this, look at one of your friends between 24-35. Look at the men they date. Haven't you noticed those men can't even provide directions to Wal-Mart never mind a foundation of love? Well, one reason is because of desperation. Another reason is because of what we think women need.
He cheated, beat her then lied. He apologized. She stayed. He cheated again, beat her again then lied again. He apologized. She stayed. He cheated, beat and lied to her…again. He apologized. What did she do? She stayed. Was he a great man who made a mistake? Probably not. Was he someone who accidentally committed these atrocities or was falsely accused? Probably none of these. Why then was he able to get away with this? He knew the needs of women. He knew that with great "make up"sex, believable "My past caused my actions" excuses or the infamous"Baby…I'll never do it again" line, he could combine that with her NEED to not be alone would win her over. It's the famous one-two punch.
In conclusion, you'll note that whenever you hear about a woman being mistreated by a man, you'll start to also note it's not just one occurrence of his wrongdoing. The reason why men are able to keep women at bay no matter how poor we treat them isn't because we as men are great, treat women like royalty or made horrible decisions…it's because due to TV, media and gossip, we've figured out what we can get away with. How do women prevent, beat and permanently defeat this? I know I'll sound old fashion but….know your worth, accept nothing less and remember that every time you accept an excuse from a man, you encourage another excuse to follow. Boys make excuses and men have true insurmountable reasons. As long as women allow those excuses to flourish, women will always be the butt of broken hearts. Then buy the book that pushes those standards. www.ChangeAMan.com
"Why Black Men Dating White Women Is 'Decreasing'?" Blog 30
Do you honestly think White women are stupid? Are you really that naive to believe they aren't paying attention? Did you think Black men are so attractive that they just want "Your men"? Well...hate to tell you but that's not the game boo boo.
If you really look at it, White women haven't really dated many Black men. We do a very selective process at which relationships we pay attention to. Example: Micheal Jordan, RG3 and Oj dated White women. Our sisters say, "They are taking all the good Black men." Side bar: Good men? About all of those men were accused of cheating, some for fathering extra children and one...for murder. They are our "good men"? I would like to hope I'm not called a "good man" by these women. Back to my point. Yet when Kevin Durant, Lebron James and Dwayne Wade date, marry or propose to Black women...there is nothing said. White women aren't always getting the cream of the crop. Especially if they are getting men who are only dating them because of their deficiency of melanin. White women aren't dumb. They know the game.
In my books, I defend the intelligence of ALL women. In such defense, I'm sure White women hear all the stories Black women willfully spew in salons, grocery stores and malls which become books, movies then TV shows accessible to all. They are fully aware that some brothers only like White women because they're A. Non-Black. B. Won't be combative (Lie) C. Will produce "pretty" babies (Lie) Just like many wise Black women, White women are smart enough to know the "Game."
They will date the ball players, entertain the role of a barbie but let that fool slip up...she won't be the celebrated, "ride or die" female the Black community foolishly embraces. (Foolishly because the only women who use the term "ride or die" date men who won't return the favor...and aren't worth it) She will leave him, take what is owed her and live happily without him. While he's broke, semi broke or on his way to never regaining his sterling image. She won't look back. Brothers are paying attention. They are getting wise. They know this White woman isn't a blond idiot. Simply because...she isn't.
Sure, they are dating Black men but it's not always the ones many would care to date in the first place. Many of the Black men who are dating White women are either those who were considered, "weird" (Probably the educated or non educated ones who liked to surf, play video games and were into the arts) lost athletes who think White is better then shun any form of non-ignorant Blackness and lastly a brother who genuinely adores her. The first and last are the relationships we don't hear about because they are true relationships between two people who don't hate their skin but love each other. This is on the rise but since it's not in the media...it appears to be "Decreasing."
What really catches our attention is when the ignorant musicians, athletes or entertainers embarrass our community by deeming the darker color of our sister's skin as a valid argument for their inferiority. When we hear a rapper make comments like, "I won't have another dark skinned baby" or see an athlete argue that, "I don't even like Black women" or just the proclamation of self-hating Negroes who have a microphone, celebrity and a plate full of moronic words to say about our women use that platform...it raises our sisters eyebrows. In reality, if you pay attention, you should be a bit happy to see those boys leave your community. Why? Who would want someone around who hates the same skin his mother owned? Do us a favor Black women, stop supporting those who hate you and start supporting those who love you. Would at least not allow them to be rich off your love and their hate.
Why You Can't Find Black Men In Church Blog 29
Ladies, when was the last time you've invited a man you were interested in...to church? How many men have you dated...who attended your church? When was the last time you dated someone and they invited YOU to church? Sit on those questions. Now men, when was the last time you had to go to church...in order to get a “church girl” in bed with you? Have you ever went to church to find a woman? Would you be turned off if a woman said, "In order to get my number, you must first go to church with me?" Now take your answers...and ask yourself, "Why would a man go to church when it's not required to get a woman?" Ding.
When women desire to become wives, they want to visit a church, stand amongst witnesses and join flesh as one. Yet, it’s pretty amazing that it requires a knowledge of God to hold a marriage together. Psalm 127:1 "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain." You mean to tell me being a "wife" is your goal in the relationship but your future husband doesn't have a foundation in God? He’s supposed to head the household in Christ, but he doesn’t know Him? How can he lead you to a place he's never been? Now you know ONE reason why we aren't there. That's not it but...let's get into the others.
It may be coincidence but have you noticed Black men are deemed “tough, strong and powerful” yet the images of Christ are all seemingly “soft, weak and powerless”? We are to believe He is humble but why has humble become synonymous with timid? The same Christ who flipped tables, stood up to the Pharisees (Modern day politicians) and took a beating while walking to death is depicted as an effeminate man? Now, how can a man who is traditionally seen as the “bully” ever see himself as the “bullied”? I’ll tell you…he won’t. He would better avoid attempting to be like Him instead of trying to go against nature. Hence why…we aren’t there. As a matter of fact, we don’t typically show up until we’re in our late 30’s or 40’s. Why? Because by then…we’re not as REAL Christlike and more of what society says Christ is. Remember, most activists were in their 20’s and early 30’s when they rebelled. After such age…they either were in jail, dead or done. Martin, Malcolm and Marley…all in their 30’s by their deaths.
Did you know Christ was also rebel? Did you know if He was here now, He would probably resemble an educated rapper with a cause? Don’t believe me? Well, then you don’t know Christ. He was EVERYTHING the society was against but He was EVERYTHING society needed. He spoke to the less fortunate. He communicated in a story telling format which was easy to understand. He related to those who were suffering. He was wealthy (In enlightenment). He would be Lil Wayne minus the cussing, drug use, tattoos, violence and sex. Yet, instead of making Christ someone young men can relate to, Christ is a figure only older, less rebellious and laborious men can identify with. Which is false, like the image Michelangelo created of Christ.
In Conclusion, not only are women not requiring their mates to know Christ, not only are men seldom searching for Christ on their own but Christ doesn’t resemble a character young Black men see as a reflection of themselves. Why do you think many young men believe they’re being judged for the wrong they do when EVERYONE is a sinner? It’s not they are so worried about the judgment but the sincere belief that attempting to be like Him will cause this man to be more female than male. It’s just an excuse. Solution? Teach your man that Jesus was not an old man. He was young, rebellious and focused. Make church your agenda. It’s not where you find Christ but where you learn more of what you read. Lastly, read the Holy Bible. Don’t just accept what a pastor tells you. As long as they are human, they can be wrong. If you only read the passages told to you, then you will only know what they tell you. Do your research, take him to church and hopefully be married on a stonelike foundation.
Why Black Men Don't Get Tested Blog 28
Door opens to clinic. White male couple comes out. I go in. Grab the clipboard. Take a seat. Sign the form. Get up. Give it back to the receptionist. Gain my number. Sit and wait to be called. Looking around the room. To my left, a mother and child. The baby is asleep. Happy because in such an intense moment, one wild adolescent can make you implode. To my right two gay White men, another Black woman and three gay Black men. Pamphlets drape the walls. One about gay men. Not for me. One about pregnant mothers and children. Not for me. One about men. That's mine. Flip through the pages. Black faces. White faces. Hispanic/Latino faces. Well…they got all of us. But…why aren't we here? Besides me…where are the straight men? Am I gay on the inside? Do I have a yearning to be a mother…is that why I'm here? What is wrong with me? I know…I care about my future, the women I date have standards and I'm held accountable for my actions. That's why WE aren't there.
Isn't it odd that most popular men don't receive their popularity from…intelligent decision making? Athletics, talent and wealth. Rarely is anyone afforded attention from woman courtesy of the gentlemen being…responsible. If you could get women for doing what you're supposed to do as an adult, the lines of HIV testing clinics would be filled. (The unemployment lines would be empty too…but that's a different conversation) However, it's not. Being an adult isn't what you thought it was as a child. I remember thinking I would need a house, nice car and a degree to get a queen. That was a fantasy. Many of the women who exist will date irresponsible men because, "They don't want to start over," "Aren't too picky" or "Know he needs love" instead of “he earned me” or “exceeded my standards”. In many cases, women will lower their standards for someone who probably can't meet the basic requirements to pass 11th grade. Women open their legs to men who don't know their own status hoping he isn't positive. Men play the, "If she don't have it, then I don't" game too. All the while, not taking a test and not being expected to. We're both irresponsible and that's just the beginning.
When it comes to your future, why isn't it protocol for men to have their health in check before that story is written? As you walk today, notice how many sick men are around. Not just obese, but physically unhealthy based on their lifestyle. Case in point: My cousin weighs about 350lbs. He eats healthy, works out and is able to outdo most people smaller than him. One day, we were working out and a group of much smaller men asked me to spar them. I obliged. After 20 seconds (Not minutes) the skinny man, 7 years younger than I, gave up. My cousin on the other hand can go about 12 minutes (Not seconds) sparring me. What's the difference? The younger guy smokes weed, cigarettes and probably more than that. His body is unhealthy. How can he protect you? How can he build a future with you? How can he be the provider when endurance is needed to keep a job? The answer is…he can't and isn't expected to.
We are a dying community. Not just Black men but men in general. I use Black men as the beginning but don't confuse my love for my people for insanity. I'm well aware that more White men are obese than Blacks (As studies show) but for the sake of this argument, it's about Black men today. Mentally, spiritually and physically, we aren't held accountable for the destruction we do to our lives. Most only get it together (somewhat) when a doctor gives the morbid diagnosis, "If you don't workout, eat right and give up (Insert bad behavior) you're going to die." Why should it take that long? That answer lies in the plain truth, "We are a coddled society." Babies who are adult aged. We think having a job, paying bills and living alone makes you an adult. That's horse fly poop! A 13 year old can do that. It's about owning up to your responsibilities because it’s mandatory. From there, you increase what is deemed, "Mandatory." Testing should be one. Working out should be one. Being spiritually centered should be one. So, why get tested?
Why be an adult? Why care for your body, health and future when most around you just say, "If I'm going to die, I'm going to die"? Simple…because of the people you'll hurt by dying too soon. Another sad idea men use to avoid getting tested is also a childish one and one found in scapegoat ignorance. Remember, "It's a gay disease. I'm not gay." HIV may have started as, GRID (Gay Related Immune Disease) but that's not the truth. There were more than gay people dying. Today, the leading holders of HIV are women. Evidently they're not having sex with gay men. Be an adult, get tested and stop making childish excuses. You owe it to the woman you love, will love or have loved to know your status.
Want to get him tested? Buy the book, "Change Him In 100 Pages" see how a little encouragement can go a long way.
Why Every Woman Needs A Django In Their Lives. Blog 27!
"He stood there...naked, beaten but unbowed. Death said to him, "She's a dead nigger and so are you. Now kneel, surrender and do what tradition says to do." Django looked death in the face as if aiming to win a staring contest with against a blind man. Without one flinch, Django utters these historic words, "I'll die for her, beside her but not without her. You either take me now, later or watch me get my woman." Death…lived for only one moment to feel the unrelenting taste of love, just to see how it felt to have something to die for. Django left Death, Uncertainty and Hope while walking alongside Faith, Determination and Love to find…his wife. Would your man fight Death to find you? Odds are he wouldn't fight a cold to stay next to you…if you're dating a boy.
Take this mental quiz:
1. If you took a job 5 hours away, would the man you're entertaining continue to see you regularly?
2. Would your partner stay with you if you decided to abstain from sex until marriage?
3. Your taxes were tampered with and now you’re in jail. Would your mate be that "ride or die" chico so many women are to their jailbirds?
If you've hesitated on ANY of the above…you probably understand why you need a Django in your life.
It's a bit odd. In today's world, many women are Django's in their man's life but aren't given that same level of comfort their beau's are donated. Men have cheated, lied, betrayed, had families, contracted STI's or worse but their women take the blows, stand tall and stay by their man. In essence, they've found solace in being the one who will leap mountains of embarrassment, hills of guilt and valleys of scrutiny to enjoy the false hope of reciprocation. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone next to you who loves you past your physical, encourages you by his desire to keep you happy and will prove beyond reasonable doubt that he will do whatever it takes to have you next to him? It would feel amazing! However, if you date men who never had to earn you to begin with, then this will always seem like fantasy.
When more men are challenged to love, fight for and respect their women, the world full of Django's will exist. However, in our day and age, it's become too easy to do the bare minimum and gain a queen without ever offering her a kingdom. As a matter of fact, outside of a good stroke, time and laughs, many queens these deadbeats obtain don't require much. Isn't that sad, odd and a shame? What happened to earning a woman, loving her and consistently proving to her how precious she is? I'll tell you, TV. That tube tells us that women are sexual objects. Dumb, witless and shallow tools of our enjoyment. Thus, why would you attempt to treat her any better than something used for pleasure? If she was intelligent, or appeared so on the box, you will see how they cleverly destroy her image. If you have standards, values and ambition to be something in life...you aren't the ideal woman.
Don't believe me? Have you noticed that any woman who is a businesswoman with a strong mind, strict rules and leadership skills is deemed a "bitch"? That's not odd? If a woman isn't showing breast, booty or their bodies, their images aren't populating our eyes. Why is this? Why are we beating our women with the camera? Solely because as long as men do the bare minimum for our women, we will continue to have broken women who know they can be more but will feel stuck. Stuck? Stuck under the belief that they should be nothing more than what their "superior man" tells them to be. How would a Django be the cure to this system that hates ALL women?
If all women had a Django, they would have a man who opens doors, respects their parents, encourages their women, betters her with enlightenment, inspires his friends to love their women on a higher plane, teaches his love and setting plans to make his partner a wife, not long term "wifey." A Django makes love addictive, contagious and desirable amongst all of his princess's friends, thus, they all venture to meet men like him. Thus, the men that don't fit the mold are ignored then slowly mutate into what it takes to get a princess…a Django. A Django doesn't just build up their women or male friends but also the community. From here, you see a network of happy couples conglomerating together in a tandem of love, which inspires their children to follow suit. When you have a man who is as relentless as a Django, you can't help but understand why this society would find a way to eliminate any resemblance of such man. Don't believe me yet? Why don't you see many happy married couples, statistics or even images online? Because as long as you think everyone is dating a mistake named, "Pookie" you will think it's okay to be a baby momma, miserable woman or heart broken lover who always loves the wrong persons. It's your choice to date a Django. We're out here. Waiting for you. Why? Because until you only accept us in your lives…"Pookies" will outnumber us and always own your heart. Read, Change Him…In 100 Pages. See why this book prevents "bad boys" in your life and opens your eyes to see where the Django's are.
And that's real"
"Why Women Don't Trust Women" Blog #26
"I only hang with dudes because women are too much drama," "Can't trust females, that's why I chill with male friends" or "What can I learn from a female that I don't already know, I am one?" Any of those sound familiar? If so, guess why??? Because either you have said it, think it or have heard it from another female friend. Do you think this mindset is productive?Well... if you're already thinking this way, you're probably too far gone to even understand how, why and when...you've been pimped by society.
The less women you trust, the less wisdom, knowledge and experience you gain from their mistakes. Plain and simple. A smart person learns from their errors while a wise person learns from a smart persons errors. If she dated losers and saw you on the same path, she can tell you why you think what you think and how to get out of it. If you're dating a man she previously dated and he gave her an infection, she can tell you about it beforehand. Lastly, if you are struggling in life, who better to be supported by than a sister who doesn't have ulterior motives? It's all about isolation.
A woman who has no peer backing or refuting her decisions has a great chance of meeting a loser and making him her "Everything." Have you noticed women in this position feel as if they will die without this man? A man who probably didn't earn the right to be there, is abusing her or just plain out dogging her but she won't leave. What if her friends had to meet him, grade him and approve, would this be the issue? Maybe not. What is an issue, is many women don't have trust worthy friends to begin with courtesy of the "Let go because I've grown up" factor.
Have you noticed that many of your high school friends are just that…high school friends? People you don't speak to anymore or just know on a social media site. That's because…either YOU grew up or they did but someone didn't. When you are around folk who still behave as they did in high school, if you've grown past that behavior, you drop them naturally. Well, if you don't drop them, then you end up nursing them. Have you ever uttered the words, "I do so much for people and when I need something, they are no where to be found"? Well, if you're dealing with a bunch of children who only know the words, "Give me" then you will say this speech to yourself on a number of occasions. Also, if those friends are in your life, they probably don't care about who you're dating because they themselves are dating even worse examples of men. Thus, you can't trust their advice.
My women, get a strong circle of women who have standards, goals in life and a zest to explore their greatness. When you are alone, it makes it so much easier to fall prey to a thirsty man who just won't give up. You owe it to yourself to have protection in the jungles of relationships. This is why Zebras stay in packs. They know if they're alone, they run the risk of being destroyed. Stay in a pack, don't fall victim to this game. Lastly, if you don't trust women…then you are inadvertently saying women aren't trustworthy but men are. Don't you know men will lie to their mothers to get an ice cream cone? I probably have. We will lie to you. We will betray you. We will destroy you. Do your heart a favor, trust those who earn your trust and meet your standards of friendship. Have those people meet the men you decide to date. Let's see how this works.
Buy your copy of "Change Him…In 100 Pages" See what the buzz is about. www.ChangeAMan.com
"Why Women Don't Take Thugs To Church or Pray with Them" Blog 25
I once wrote a blog about why women don't pray with their bad boy beaus. Many were attracted to such writing but it wasn't truly finished. I've come to terms with a sickening fact many women MUST know because I KNOW women are smarter than society believes. This fact, is pretty evident. Many women know better, just choose not to do better.
When you have a hard time inviting someone to church, praying or studying the Holy Bible with them, you know you're not equally yoked. You know this man can't help lead Christ in your life. You know this man isn't capable of making sure you both enter Heavens gates. You know this man won't help break the demonic chains laid across his neck nor yours. You know this. Sadly, no matter what you know, it's what you do that saves or breaks you. What are many women doing? Dating the scum of the earth and hoping their love "changes" them.
That's not what my book is about. That's not what I spent years researching. That's not what should come out of reading my work. First, I don't inspire women to date trash to begin with. It's like eating candy everyday of your life then reading a book on "How to get healthy teeth" after all your teeth are completely rotten. You knew the candy was bad. You knew it would lead to cavities. You knew the signs. No matter what, as told before, what you know matters not when you knowingly do wrong. Baby girl, God doesn't hate you, nor the fool you are dating or entertaining. Honestly, you may hate God because He gave you the spirit of discernment and YOUR spirit keeps telling you, "This man isn't for you" and you keep telling YOUR spirit, "You don't know what you're talking about. You don't understand him." You are lying to yourself.
This poor excuse of a man isn't at fault for hurting you (As they all eventually do). Even if he physically, verbally or mentally abuses you, you spiritually abused YOURSELF first by entertaining him.You opened the doors for an evil spirit with charm, swag and rebellious traits to enter and once in, he destroyed the inside of the house. Now you're broken, angry or bitter and...going to God for answers?
Isn't odd that if you went to God FIRST you wouldn't be in this position? If you took this boy/man to church, prayed over him and made yourself a vow to not accept a man who couldn't accept God in his life, you wouldn't be broken. However, much like MANY of the women I know, they find out too late...what they already knew. If you can't, won't or he refused to digest God together, the end is near. It's so near, it's already over...before it began. Do better because you know better and your future rides on it. We need you to. Not just me but your future children, your sanity and family. Do what you know...not what you want.
P.S. Be careful about sharing this message. Might hurt a foolish friend or three.
P.S.S. Buy the book that's making women see...you deserve so much more and how to get it. www.ChangeAMan.com And that's real"
"5 Reasons Why He WON'T Make You His Girlfriend." Blog #24
You two have been "talking" for a while now, right? He's taken you out. Maybe you two have been intimate. This man may have even met your parents or you have met his (by choice or accident). The haunting, "When are you two going to be official?" is asked by those around you, huh? It's getting to the point where you're wondering, "Why aren't we more than 'just friends'?"
1. He's probably "not ready."
-He just got out of a relationship.
-Not the 'Commitment' type.
-Afraid a 'title' might change the flow of the relationship.
2. He likes things the way they are.
3. Doesn't want get cheated on.
-He's probably been cheated on.
-Has trust issues from watching friends cheat.
-Had sex with women who were unfaithful to their boyfriends.
4. You two haven't known each other long enough.
Whatever the above reason, the true answer is number 5...YOU!
In the end, it's your choice to be a girlfriend or friend with benefit. Stop thinking men have the power of selection. We don't. It's a myth. You choose us, we don't choose you. If you don't understand this, you will always be chasing a man.
Isn't it unique you are the one who says, "Yes" but simultaneously have no power in the decision making? Baby boo, if he's taking too long, giving you excuses while you're giving him access to everything, why are you not progressing? If you have no answer to that question, then you need to make a move.
What will you do? Let me tell you...nothing. You won't ask him, "When are you we going to be official?" If you do, you will accept any excuse he uses. He's not in charge. You are.
You have a choice. If you stay in a relationship where you want to move forward but are afraid your counterpart doesn't, then you are trapped in an unofficial relationship. Which is sad. Some women use unofficial dating as official dating. Which is also sad. When many of them date, they are locked to their mate hoping he too feels the same way. If you don't ask and demand being more, then you will be what you are. If you're happy with nothing, then so be it. Just don't get upset when your friends are married wives and you're a forever almost girlfriend.
Read more and buy the book that pushes you to be the you you should be. www.ChangeAMan.com
"Love Her Like A Dog. What Women SHOULD Want" Blog 23
Some women date men/boys who dog them. Men/boys who take their hearts, misguide and destroy them. Those disgusting, but very popular creatures who get women to trust them only to break them. Although women seem to heavily favor men who are of such cloth...that's not what I'm referring to. I'm talking about a real dog.
When I leave the house for 30 minutes, upon my return there is an amazing and seemingly comedic behavior my dog goes through. This beautiful animal named, "Kemet" will break his neck to jump all over me and let me know, "I missed you." He literally acts as if I left for months. This isn't what he does just for the day, this is an everyday action. Kemet also is just affectionate enough.
He wants to be petted, played with and walked. This little dog knows how to do it just enough to not be a bother but enough to let me know, "Your job is to entertain me as my job is to entertain you." A mutual understanding that we can lounge sometimes but we much also have fun. Otherwise, it will be a boring relationship. This also let's me know I have an obligation. From the feeding, walking to shots, he pushes the fact that, "Any relationship should have some things you don't want to do but you do because...you signed up to be loved." He's also my protector and I his.
If someone comes to the door, walks to fast towards me or tries to touch me while I hold him, Kemet will ATTACK! When I see bigger dogs or a hawk infested area, I make sure to avoid it because, I want to keep him safe. If he coughs, flea medicine or needs shots, I give him those to ensure he will be healthy. We protect each other. As any couple should. I have a partner. A true companion who will ignore everyone in the room just to be next to me. Last but important, he's loyal. Don't you want all that?
Don't you want someone who feels a moment without you is a moment too long? Someone who appreciates your existence and makes your presence feel valuable? Someone who doesn't take you for granted? That's how it feels to be loved like a dog. Someone who loves you so much, your pain is their pain. Your safety is their safety. Your happiness, is their happiness. A being who is so loyal, they can't fathom a life without you. If you keep dating dogs, you will never be loved like a dog. Only men can love like dogs. Simply because men don't date female dogs but women who deserve to be loved. Don't fool a man who wants your attention, vagina and heart for a man who can love you like a dog. If he can't pray with you, educate you and appreciate the things you do...treat him like he has fleas...leave.
Read more and by the book that teaches women...how to be loved like a dog on www.ChangeAMan.com
"Why Some Women's Standards...Don't Work": Blog 22
You want him to be smart, fun, loving, caring and supportive. A man who will stay loyal, easy to talk to and as affectionate as you need...maybe more. Someone you can trust with your inner most secrets while sharing moments you won't give to anyone else. A real man. Someone who can make you a wife, happy and feel secure about your life. Are these your standards? If so, they seem so attainable. They honestly do. They also...don't work. Why?
Simply because of your past, poor decision making and inability to accept a gift, some won't dare indulge in a man who can offer these. He would have to be packaged in a suit of drama, topped off with spread of worthlessness and a pinch of excuses before he's deemed, "real." Many women look for love, joy and all the right things but in all the wrong places and people. This isn't exclusive to only women, because men have a tendency to overlook a woman who can be everything he needs for someone who is everything he doesn't need...and more. Why do both sexes come in with a game plan on who they would love but end up with someone who will make them hate themselves?
Society has cleverly pimped the woman of today. They've helped create an idea that bad is good and good is bad. When you see a man who you can't honestly say is "husband material" you naturally should depart from the idea of conversation...right? Wrong. Those are typically the men who get the most attention. They aren't anywhere on the "list" you've created for men you entertain and are nothing you would want your future children to bring home as well. When it comes to what's good for us, we won't dare touch the good before the bad. As a matter of fact, we would love the bad and make reason why the good is bad for you. Ex: Why is healthy food deemed, "too expensive"? I can eat chicken, fish, fruit and vegetables all day, everyday and only spend 100$ a month. Fast food isn't cheap. If you order an average meal, you're spending 6-8$. Now multiply that by 10 and you've almost met my budget for the month. Not to mention you're going to eat more than 10 times so your food budget will exceed 200+$. This is odd. Many reading this will attest to saying, "Eating healthy is too expensive" but never realize the adverse is saying, "It's cheaper to die faster." That list is achievable but if you don't believe good is attainable, then don't lie to yourself and create a list for a future husband when you will accept being a long term "almost" girlfriend. It's all on you.
When it comes to making a list, understand this, you have a choice in this decision. Don't believe the, "You can't choose who you love" myth. It is a choice. You choose who hangs around you. You choose who you communicate with. You choose who you entertain. It's that simple. Don't allow society to make you a miserable woman all your life. This is 2013. You have a brain and a beautiful future. Don't have it tainted by one man who didn't earn you or meet any of your standards. Be focused enough to say, "This is what I will accept and nothing less" As I depart, here are my standards for the women I make my girlfriend.
3. God fearing.
4. Drama free.
If they don't fit my list...I won't entertain them as a girlfriend.
God didn't make you to be everyone's girlfriend...just one man's wife. Be special.
"Deadbeat Men: A Woman's Fault or Their Problem? Blog 21
I dare you to think I would blame women for the ignorant, broke and excuse ridden boy/men we see today. I double dare you. I won't touch that lie with a 10 foot pole held by my worst enemy. No, the current state of deadbeat men aren't the fault of women. They didn't make them horrible. They didn't make them losers. They didn't make them reluctant achievers. What did they do? They accepted, adored and loved them. Thus, they...became their problem.
Why is it their problem? Who else is trying to nurture these men? Not good heterosexual men. Only a few types of women even give attention to these men. Sadly, many of these types exist and every time they open their heart, agenda and thighs to another deadbeat, they create 10 more in his place. Why? Because deadbeats learn from their peers. If doing little to nothing works, they will keep doing it. The problem is cyclical.
Woman gives a man a chance he doesn't deserve, he accepts, he ruins her, she's broken, dates another deadbeat who might just be...the original deadbeats' friend. Why are deadbeats so attractive to women whom are doctors, lawyers, nurses, highly educating, doing something with themselves? Your guess is better than mine. One thing I do know, is their attractiveness leads to the disease called, Denial.
I've never met a slew of women who openly admitted, "He was a piece of trash when I met him and I shouldn't have dated him." The conversation normally starts off with, "All men are garbage. I need to stay alone." Not once will a woman admit her pain came from her selection of men. Deadbeat men win because of this denial. You knew he wasn't what God had for you. As a matter of fact, you probably didn't pray to God about him. Maybe you didn't even pray or go to church with him because of the guilt you felt.
Deadbeat men know you are compromising your sanity and common sense for them. They don't know why women temporarily extinguish their wisdom to allow an evident piece of nothingness into their lives. If you asked them, (As I have) they will tell you, "I don't know either." Yes, even DEADBEAT men don't know why women stay. What can be done?
Honestly, it's a poison some women voluntarily inject themselves with.
It's no other way around it. This isn't science, it's math. No Good Man + Good Woman = Horrible Situation. Just that simple. Most women do know better. They do know these men aren't good for them. They know he won't love them the way they deserve to be loved. However, as long as they live in denial, theses deadbeat will continue to be their problem. Why change this?
Deadbeat men don't create wives, they create single mothers. That's a fact. They help construct broken homes, riddled with excuses for poverty stricken minds and untapped potential. This is their legacy. It's not opinion. You see this in every ethnicity. That crop of men who mean the world not harm but do the world little good. It's their story. It's their mindset. It's their "swag." My sister, what "it is" doesn't have to be in your life. These men are destructive. What you sacrifice to love them isn't worth it. Why? Because in the end, you won't reap the benefits of your work. I need you to release him. Release your desire to be with deadbeat men. If you don't, your future will be dead and beaten. Buy the book and see that I'm not asking women to change men, but how to change what they accept from men...you have a choice.
"For All Men Without Fathers” Blog # 20
Naked, I allowed the shower to rinse off my embarrassment. Only God and my 10 year old eyes saw me fail at flying a kite. Even that audience seemed too much. It was one of the first failures I remember on my shortlist of failures. I didn't want to blame the beat up paper bag I used. I didn't want to blame the still sticky popsicles I used. I didn't want to blame the heavy string of yarn I used. I blamed him.
It was his job to make me a expert kite flyer. It was his job to teach me how to whisper in a woman's ear then kiss her on the neck to make her do anything I want. It was his job to show me...how to be a man. I wanted learn how to throw a football. He should've taught me. I wanted to learn how to tie a tie. He should've taught me. I wanted to learn how to stand up against a bully. He should have taught me. Because he didn't, I had to learn. Because he didn't, I had to figure it out. Because he didn't, I have no excuse for not getting it on my own. What's yours?
He can't be the reason why I mistreat women. He can't be the reason why I become an absent father. He can't be the reason why I fail in life. It's not his fault. Why? Because how can someone who did so little in your life have so much power in the outcome of it? How can an invisible man take your hand and make you into a horrible man?
Let's throw away the excuses, cry our last tears and build a bridge of success to allow another young man to cross. What's stopping you from being the father you wished you had? What's stopping you from being the mentor to the young man who just needs that push? What's stopping you from loving that woman the way you KNOW she deserves? It's not him...it's you.
Today, take ownership of the man you've become. As long as we give our sad fathers credit for the poor examples of men they've helped birth, we will fail. It's no longer a healing session. We can't keep using their absence as a reason for our absence. Now is the time we say, "Dad, thank you for not being there. Now I have a blueprint on what not to be." If you don't outdo the poisonous actions of your father, what are you saying to yourself? Let me tell you what you're saying; "I'm nothing but a boy in a man's body since I keep blaming a man for my adult decisions." Take ownership now. It's what men do.
Sisters who are reading this, please share this if you have men who need healing and that push.
Buy the book and see how a changed man is inspiring men and women to change.
"Why You Won't Put God In Your Relationship": Blog 19
A man can ask for sex on the first date and get brushed off with a, "No, I'm not ready." Believe it or not, he won't be perceived as weird or anything negative. If a woman asked, "Can we pray together" before she gave her number to a man, she would be considered odd, a turn off and a Jesus freak. Where does this leave us? With a bunch of Godless men and God fearing women who are too afraid to introduce God into their relationship.
Why are you afraid to pray with him? Why are you worried that inviting him to church will detour him from your love? Why are you going to God alone and not with him? Is it because... you're afraid God will tell you, "This man isn't the one and not who you prayed for"?
Many times women pray for a good man but when God doesn't deliver him in the image these women imaged, they look for the first bad man with "good" potential. When this man comes, he comes in a combination package of drama. He has children, bad financial tendencies, poor education, lack of manners in addition to a very limited world view as he's probably only seen his native state. She takes him in and he poisons her view of love. That 1st Corinthians 13: 4-8 is extinct in him and becomes just a mirage to you. Why? Because you begin to believe..."No man can love me like that."
You're now trapped in a world where you know you don't deserve to be in. His drama only builds as he proves he never should've been in your life to begin with. Add insult to injury, he's probably already made you compromise in ways you've never dreamed...but you won't take him to church. You will go alone, with friends but won't dare take him there. No matter what you're friends, pastor or family say, you won't heed the instruction you know needs to be made.
When you insert God into your relationship, you're given a shield. Not only is it a shield against outside foolishness but the fool you've allowed inside you. When God is there, He will keep reminding you of the sickness regarding your actions. As long as you ignore Him, it will grow worse. You have a choice. Pray with him now. Pray with anyone you think about dating. Allow the fear of God to run them off. Why? Because if they were any good...God wouldn't make them run away from you...but towards you. Only a man lead by God can truly show you how to Be Loved Right.
Want more? Buy the book that's inspiring women all across the world. Let's change this game.
“My Sister...Let His Hand Go!” Blog 18
You know better. You know you do. You know this isn't "the one." Oddly, the combination of these sentences has rarely halted a woman from accepting, nurturing and eventually being burned by a man who didn't deserve her. Why? What on earth would condition a woman to knowingly interact with the scum of the dating chain? I don't speak for women, never get that twisted but I do have a theory.
I honestly believe women give us sympathy. Women know many men come from broken homes or have some excuse as to why they won't do...what they're supposed to do. Wholeheartedly I truly have come to terms that women know many of us are garbage. They feel sorry for us, thus use an odd way of showing it by....donating their ENTIRE lives to us...for free.
The cost is "free" but they HOPE in return we will make their wedding finger a little heavier...which 90% of the time won't happen. Believe it or not, this is actually what women are supposed to do. However, this is just a demented version of what they are supposed to do.
Good men need a woman who can EMPATHIZE with his current struggle to urge him towards higher levels of success. Not sympathize. You see, good men are always in one form of struggle. It's not always financial but at times can be spiritual or mental. In such, we need that "Ride Or Die" female next to us. This is a role where we too fulfill for her. Yet, when you are "Ride Or Die" for a man who doesn't deserve you, you honestly are wasting not your time, energy or life but common sense.
When you understand a man needs a little help because he's worked towards his goals and has broken barriers to be what his father or neighborhood friends couldn't be, you being his backbone is powerful. Not only does it build him, good me in turn edify their women and when children are involved, they too become infected with their parents inspiration.
You aren't born to be a boys mother. When you hold the hand of a boy, you will have to wait until he becomes a man to reap any benefit from your investment.
When you're dating a man, you know it. There is not explaining him, there is no sense of giving more than you receive. There is no worry about him achieving his potential. It's all a matter of time. Can you say that about who you love or the type of men you love? Good men are filled with proven potential. Meaning, his past proved he can achieve. You don't have to hold his hand. You just have to be his backbone. If you ever find yourself holding the hands of your mate…that's a boy. Whenever you find yourself side by side with your mate, you're with a man. Do you feel secure? Do you feel loved properly? Do you feel like you're connected to a man you don't have to make excuses for? If you answered no to any of these….you are still holding the hands of boys and they…they will destroy you.
"Attention+Conversation+Drama = Your Heart?” Blog 17
Is that what it takes to get a woman today? Surprises, gifts, vacations, poems, notes, letters...etc...are now things of the past? Where are the men who are breaking their necks to show you they're the one for you? Are those men really unavailable? Do all men need to be taught how to do this or...is it no longer expected?
Today, the amazing media has not only inspired women to accept less but expect even lesser. When it comes to the sadness of this relationship between good women and lowly boys...it's flourishing. Many men have figured it out. As long as you act nonchalant (swag), rebel against your priorities/responsibilities (swag) or pay more attention to trends than living a life of purpose (swag) you will succeed in obtaining choice women. Why? Why does so little get something so amazing? Well, women are getting older...faster.
Many women of today by the time they reach 22 feel...old. They want to settle down and partake in a serious relationship. I had a friend who wanted a child solely because she was 22 or 23 and felt "old." Older women (25-40) talk about being, "realistic" with their choice in men. So the idea of a man who will provide, love and support you while being God fearing is a fairytale? it is. In this accelerated life. Who inserted the idea of age as such a strong case to lower your standards? Look at anything you glorify...are there any people who look, act or admit to being their age? Probably not.
It's an agenda to have women lowering their standards faster so they can get pregnant by men who don't deserve them and who will abandon them. It's a simple equation. Most men who actually earn you...will marry you. If not, they will at least take care of their children. Every man you get from a one-night stand, booty call or friend with benefits situation isn't obligated to love you. Why? Because you donated yourself for such a low cost. Why do more? Thus, while many women are in a rush to find love, Be Loved Right or love, they aren't interested in investing time into those who will love them.
The good man is called a "lame" and a bad boy is call, "real" then in the end many are hurt because society has created an interesting reverse effect on our women. Teaching them to adore stupidity instead of ignoring it and ignoring educated men instead of adoring them. Three thing all ignorant men have are....time, attention and drama. Why? Because when you don't have a job, aren't responsible and still act like a child...you aren't missing any of the three. On the flip side, any good man is definitely missing all of those traits.
Remember, you aren't old, not matter your age. You will never be too old to have standards. Keep your standards, make him work for it and love you. In the end, you deserve to... Be Loved Right
"Are you asking for too much? Blog #16
You want to be respected? You want to not have to ask him, "Do you love me?" You want to be appreciated for the little things you do and not taken for granted? You want to smile more than you cry? Are those things...really "too much"? Well, in this day and age...it's almost like asking for his arm, elbow and left eye. But why?
Why are basic building blocks of relationships so hard to attain? Why would a man make pure fundamentals seem like your pulling teeth? Why can't you be treated the way you deserve to be treated? Wait...that's the issue...do you deserve it? This is where I'll begin.
We live in a time when you can get a woman's heart, vagina and full attention without even mentioning the possibility of marriage. Does she deserve to be married? Probably. Does he know it? Odds are. Does he have a reason to? ...not really. There is a line between what you deserve and what you accept that makes any demand you spout appear, "too much." If a college demands honor roll students but accepts low scoring "at risk" youth, it downgrades the demands of the college. Even if it's a prestigious university.
It's all in what you accept, demand and negotiate. If you accept a man who isn't marriage material, then you can't demand water from concrete. If you demand to be treated a particular way by someone who refuses to, then you won't indulge in such treatment. If you negotiate your standards, then you fail. Why do you fail? Because most standards aren't foolishly high, just basic needs any woman should have. When it comes down to it, this all deals with who you decide to date, what were your standards before giving into them and what are you willing to compromise.
A woman who deserve the world only accepts men who can give her it. When she demands residence in his heart, she will get it. There is no negotiating her standards because he will work inside her requests. She knows she isn't asking for too much because like most women...you only ask for what he has the potential to give. If he's not willing to give it...he's not worth fighting to receive it. Why? Because he's silently telling you, "Sweet heart, you don't deserve what I know...you deserve."
"Why He Won't Change For You. Blog #15
Let me get this straight, you met him as the man/boy he was? (Check) Opened your legs, heart or both to that man/boy? (Check) Later on, you realized attention plus conversation mixed with sex wasn't enough so...you wanted him to change? (Check) Amazingly...he didn't budge right? He acted like he would change, tried for a bit and eventually went right back to being who he originally was...right? No, I'm not psychic...I'm just one of many men who know what woman deserves change.
Why not you? Why don't you deserve it? What makes another woman who deserves it different from you? Honestly, it's solely because of what you accepted, demand and prioritize.
Acceptance. If a man knows you accepted him being nothing, he is less willing to change because your standards are too low to begin with. No matter the excuse. Ex: He doesn't have a job, rarely looks for one and have an excuse as to why he doesn't have one but you allow him to stay around to be the "ride or die chick".
Demands. If you demanded basic things you should receive without mention, it too decreases your importance. Ex: Doors being opened, him not cussing at you and not flirting with women in front of you are basic things. Nothing about this is uncommon and if it is so, that automatically details the type of men you open your heart and/or legs to.
Prioritize. A woman who puts her man, not husband or fiance before her work, education or future is a foolish being and even the foolish of fools will testify to such. A boyfriend, beau or any term that isn't the above holds no grounds to be placed before your future. However, the moment he becomes too important, he will realize you are too far gone to leave and he won't change for someone...who can't give him a consequence.
Rather than trying to change him, change you first. Change your standards, change your outlook on life and change the way you think about you. You are the prize. If you don't look at yourself as special, amazing and deserving of the best, you won't be bold enough to demand it.
Good Man’s Revenge Blog #14
Good men finish last…right? Whoever said that sentence was probably shot before they followed up with the entire statement. Odds are the gunman was a frustrated good man who was exhausted with being good only to get passed up. If they would have let the man end the saying, they would smile at this but…I understand. You see, good men are angry, agitated and bothered by some of this generation’s version of a “good woman.” However…good men do finish last but that’s where they should finish…
This generation is riddled with women who say they are “good women”, act “good” and live “good” but make bad decisions in who they share their goodness with. A good woman would date the most evidently poor piece of crap in the entire world. This brother will break her, embarrass her then leave her rethinking why she hates love. She will then blame all men for her disgusting choice in a mate. From here, she might try the “Gay thing” or “I’m not dating ever again” story. Why would a good woman date horrific crap? No good man really knows but most women I interview use the excuse, “There are no good men” as to why she even entertains this boy in man’s clothing.
Many of these “good women” of today secretly live by this motto, “Good men aren’t hard to find, just easy to ignore” –Will Da Real One. Thus, when they’ve been broken by a man their friends, family and prayers disagree with…she will all of a sudden want a…”good man.” This is of course after she’s no longer slim, fit and sexy but miserable, out of shape and grumpy. Many times they’re left with children who bear the burden of asking “Mommy…where’s daddy?” only to be given the reality that…daddy isn’t coming home because mommy looks for men in the trash. Yet…the good men don’t win with them but a different breed of woman...
Amiss any group of women is that friend. The one who went to the club Saturday but made it to church Sunday morning. She drank but didn’t want to get drunk. She may have had sex but was reluctant to share her body with everyone without caution. They call her, “prude, stuck up or too picky” but she stayed happy with her decisions. This young lady isn’t perfect but isn’t bad. She ran into a wall with dating thus refused to lower her standards. She wanted what she knew she deserved and only accepted such. Even though it may have took her years…she was found.
Good men spends most of their youth and early 30’s being slighted by women for being too boring, too nice or too good to be true. Furthermore, they’re normally stuck false fully living as a “guy friend” to a woman they really would rather date. However, since he’s probably not good at communicating his desires, he remains just the “Friend” she talks to about her guy issues, shops with, cries to…etc. One day, he wakes up, realizes how great of a commodity he is in comparison to the garbage that exists. (It’s coming ladies…you will see this day too) When he knows this, his confidence sky rockets. As women begin to shower him with attention, invites and sexual offers, he may dip and dab in his new celebrity but will find happiness in that one “all time” good woman.
Good men SHOULD finish last because…good men should be the LAST in a woman’s heart…not first. When she realizes how horrible of a decision maker she was, it might be too late. Good men seemingly age like wine. Bad men never grow up so they’re like old soda to older women…an acquired taste…for the classless. As long as he stays free of children, keeps his career on task and lives without drama, around 30-33, he will be in love with a woman who sees him as the only man for her. She will love him and he will love her. She will feel grateful for her blessing and he will as well. Her friends will smile and wish they too made better choices in men. Because in the end…good men win.
A Good Woman's Revenge. Blog 13
If you're one of the women who refuse to lower your standards, mock women who end up pregnant then abandoned by a man who didn't deserve her and one who truly understands her value…you're probably single right now. To add insult to injury, you may time to time get upset when you see all the attention your friends with lower standards receive. Even deeper, you might grow cold when the men you hope will attend to you…end up saying, "You're wife material, I'm not ready for that" in essence, you're always left to be a "friend" instead of a girlfriend. Guess what??? I have news for you….in the end…you win!!!
Yes yes yes!! Don't worry about all that jazz above, in the end yes, you will win. This is a cycle of today's poor decision making youth. They don't know what good is and bad is toted as good so…they are confused. A man will break his neck to get in the pants of an easy woman but buy running pants to flee from a woman who is hard to get. Why? Because he knows that a woman who is hard to get is worth the chase but…he's not ready to be with someone who could make him a better man. Was y women don't make men better. It's fact. She's easy for a reason. However, on the other hand, you are so amazing, you give him psychic vision. He becomes able to see into the future and his future says, "If you date her, she will eliminate all those little boy traits you have." From there he then says to himself, "I better keep playing with these little girls. They won't push me to be what I should be." Bam! Yes but then something happens shortly after…(Shortly like…in his 30's)
When men grow up, we begin to understand the value of a good woman. Don't be fooled, we know now that you are worth something but when we truly understand your value, we break down our ignorance and submit to the responsible actions needed to be true men. That action is found in dating women who are our equals.
As he begins to see your true value, your consistency and ability to rise about the poor minded easy women, he sees the future in you. Men marry women with standards but only have sex with women without standards. This is your future.
When he is done playing the field, you are his target. Your heart, mind and body. he will want it all. While your other friends who clowned you for being "too picky", "stuck up" or "bougie" are now pregnant, miserable and "anti-man" … you will be inviting them to your wedding. You won't have to endure the, "I think I'm a lesbian" phase as they have solely because you won't make the uneducated decisions in men as they. Thus, you won't be burnt and encouraged to "try something new" only to hurt a true lesbian in the end. This is your future. A happy future.
When you stick to your standards, you win. It's only the women who give up who lose. God does answer prayers. If you pray for a good man, He will bring him to you. Just be patient, wise and stick to your guns. When the time comes and he's ready…you won't have any emotional baggage to scare him away. Just love, attention and support. The ingredients to attracting and keeping…a good man.
How Good Men Become Villains of What Women Accept"-Blog 12
Man says, "I'm not ready to date exclusively. We can talk but keep in mind, I'm talking to other women." Woman hears it exactly. Man spends time with woman. Woman falls for man. They enjoy each other. All of a sudden woman hears, "Now I'm not talking to any of those girls and although I've never said we're exclusive, we are." Yet...the man never said it. She wants more, he repeats his original statement. She then proceeds to believe he's not the man he said he was. Hurt, embarrassed and angry, she judges all men as the same. Never did the man elect her as girlfriend, exclusive or "special" but she gave herself the title, believed it but when he didn't, she was lost.
This is a classic case in how women lead themselves on but blame men for leading them on. When a man says, "I'm not ready" but you two engage in boyfriend and girlfriend activity...it doesn't change the fact that he's not ready.
If he says, "I'm not ready" but you stay, have sex with him, buy gifts...etc, that's your decision, not his lie. Most women who proclaim, "I was led on" if they were honest, they would say, "I wanted something that was never agreed upon and when I didn't get it, I needed someone to blame for my pain."
Many men, myself included, have been blamed for misleading women. It's a painful road to ride, especially when you communicate what you two are, where you two are and where you are as a man. Oddly, some women tend to ignore fact and acknowledge fiction created inside hope that, "Maybe all this attention means he no longer means what he said and now we're more than "just friends."
Women, if he says, "I'm not ready" then either stay, be a booty call, friend with benefits or sex buddy or wait until he is and become his girlfriend. Whatever your choice, remember it's YOUR choice, not his. If you stay, don't blame him for keeping his words. Sex, attention, money, time or affection on your behalf doesn't constitute for a contradiction on his.
No matter how long you two are engaged in this relationship, if you entered it on the terms of, "talking", "dating" or "chilling" but not exclusivity, then remember your contract. Just because you may be exclusive to him, doesn't mean he is to you. More importantly, if he actually said, "I'm entertaining others" then you should respect what you agreed upon.
Don't think your vagina, time and attention will trump another woman.
Many times it's the woman who refuses to be second that becomes first. Not the woman who accepts being second then gets upset when she's not the first.
What hurts women most is not the actions of the men they are with, but what they originally accepted and how it came to fruition. He didn't lie to you, you lied to yourself and hoped he would follow suit but when he didn't...he became a villain.
Is Girlfriend...the new Wife? Blog #11
Many men are having a problem with committing to a woman. It's becoming a trend to utter these sad words, "I just got out of a relationship. Not ready to date. We can chill though." Oddly, what makes this sad isn't the words but the reaction of most women who hear them. Women have grown to accept a man's unreadiness and entertain whatever form of attention he can donate.
The roles are reversed. Men aren't chasing woman, per se. They are avoiding being men, getting free vagina and eventually subduing themselves into the lowest form of commitment…being a boyfriend. How did we get here? What happened to your dreams of becoming a queen? Why is being a girlfriend such a high place when you know you deserve/want more?
This brings the next point, so many people are in horrible marriages that there's fear in wedding before God. There was a time when people married and divorce was the farthest decision applicable. Now, when there is one problem, the relationship is over faster than an eye blink. What causes this is our warped form of love.
We fall in love by choice, not accident. When you fall in love by choice, you are choosing to feel the way because you have no other route to express being…happy. Instead of liking the person for a year, you feel as if after 3 months, love is the only word to express how you feel. When we love someone or something, we tend to reject giving up on it. No matter how horrible it is, treats us or makes us feel. We will stay by this toxic creature until a catastrophic moment arises and we have no choice but to leave. With weak love, desperate women and irresponsible men, we live in a world where being a long term girlfriend is honorable. iii
Not only is this honorable, when you have a child by someone you love but aren't married to them, it's come to a time where that's not looked down upon. In essence, we encourage the woman to at least get pregnant by someone who she's actually with instead of the typical club booty call, random guy or on again off again beau.
Know this, you deserve to be a wife, mother and loved by a man who will marry you. It's not okay to settle because every fool does. You have a choice and all the tools to make the best one. If he's not the type of man who would marry you, don't waste your time. I've never seen a happy woman who settled. She's just living a lie and hoping her fake smile will fool others into believing what she doesn't even believe.
"How women date, lose youth and end up broken"
Women will "talk to" one man, never date him, never become his girlfriend and never entertain anyone else while she's dating him. Why? Who told women that this is "right"? Amazingly, women will feel like sluts if they "talk to" more than one guy. Who told you that was the "right way"?
First, let's break down what "talk to" means.
Talk to: The act of getting to know a person for the sole benefit of reaching a level of awareness to date them.
Well, that seems about right. Sadly, women waste weeks to years only "talking to" one guy, dealing with his drama, being his booty call and losing substantial amount of time only to never reach their end point. Meanwhile, men will "talk to" multiple women and the best of the best will win.
Men use "Talking to" as a process of elimination. We are aiming to see who will best suit our needs. We seldom "talk to" one woman. It's not wise. Why would you tie yourself down to just one person who isn't your girlfriend, fiance or wife? It doesn't make sense to us. Also, it's a waste of energy. If I spend 4 months getting to know this girl and end up not dating her, I lost 4 months of being a bachelor. Women don't seem to think this way.
Women will "Talk to" one guy, shut down any other guy who approaches, even if he's eligible to love her properly. She will only entertain one man at a time and then end up broken by that one man only to exclaim, "I'm tired of dating, all men are garbage." Meanwhile, most women never think, "He never committed to me in the first place". Only using assumptions to bridge the gap between fact and fiction.
Assumptions such as, "We talk a lot", "We have sex" or "He's the only person I'm with" as reasons to believe you two are an exclusive pair. When she's broken, gravity defeated and miserable, she's second guess her reasoning for only entertaining a guy who never agreed to being exclusive with her. Even if he did, he wouldn't call it "talking." She would be his...girlfriend, fiance or wife.
How do we fix this? Understand that you aren't dirty, slutty or promiscuous because you're "talking to" multiple guys. No one said you should sleep with them all. It's about you finding the best male to accommodate your needs. If you only talk to one guy a year, you may waste years when you could've been found years ago. Lastly, "talking" is a great way to learn about the world. Men who "talk to" you will take you out, wine and dine you.
This opens doors to trips, meals and things you don't have to pay for. Is this prostituting or gold digging? No. You do it anyway. Many women go on dates all the time. I'm just urging you to do it with more people.
When you have a list of places you've eaten, visited and experienced, you can have a better choice conversation about a multitude of things. Most women I've met in their early 20's only know about 2-3 star restaurants, never have been outside of the country nor have enjoyed the finer things of life. This is all available to you. Just talk to more men, keep your legs closed and don't fall for the ookie doke of thinking "Talking" means "exclusive" because...it doesn't.
Why Do Black Men Date White Women? Blog # 9
White women are docile, quiet and obedient to Black men. They won't take charge and will willingly submit to any of his demands. White women are better than Black women because they will stick by this Black man's side no matter what he's going through and never aggravate him with aggression. White women are like a gift to a Black man who is doing something with his life and Black women are like a crutch curse. White women have been taught to listen then obey first and question second to never. They are the perfect assistant to success while Black women will only add to your defeat. Their skin tone, good hair and pretty eyes make for attractive babies versus the dark, nappy haired and black eyed babies produced by Black women. This is why…?
Do you believe any of this? Do you really? If so, please delete me from your Facebook, Twitter and life…right now. No, Black men who even agree to any of those terms should also delete me as well. As a matter of fact, any Black….no, person who subscribed to the above belief needs mental counseling. Black men date White women for many reasons. Some of the reasons are inside our rich history but too many of us aren’t taught, won’t delve into or are unconcerned with learning it.
During slavery the Black woman was raped, beaten and treated as a sex slave. She wasn’t adored for her wisdom, only her sexual attractiveness. Hence why Thomas Jefferson has Black descendants. They couldn’t resist the sweet nectar of a Black woman. Meanwhile the White man treated the White woman like she was a second class citizen who was…special.
The White woman was demeaned, betrayed and cheated on as if she was blind, deaf and ignorant to equality. She knew her husband was having affairs with Black women but was forced to stay quiet. The White man enjoys a historical love/hate relationship with the White woman. We are too busy worrying about why Black men date White women to even consider the roots. White men fear White women. It’s history.
White women weren’t allowed to vote until after Black male slaves. The SAME Black man who was worth 3/5 of a White man. White women weren’t really considered “American.” Yes, they were born here but their treatment is one of the worse in history. They have the highest rates of rape, domestic abuse and murder amongst all women. So much of this is hidden, you won’t find it unless you use comparative data to breach the lies given inside statistics. Now, imagine this woman…who has been treated as such but out numbers you, can multitask better than you and may have a chance to team up with your greatest threat…a Black man. What would happen then?
This is the real reason why Black men date White women. Black men were taught that the White woman was untouchable. She was a gift the negro could never unwrap. The Black man was constantly helpless as his sister, mother and/or wife was raped in front of him. He could hear their cries for help, see their blood drenched dresses and hazel eyed babies that looked nothing like the Black man. This was a team that the White man fought to keep apart. The Black man wanted revenge. He wanted to taste that forbidden fruit. He wanted to get the spank the untouchable White woman. He wanted to make her feel every inch of pain inflicted upon his Black woman and gain the pleasure the master owned.
But, it goes even deeper. This is to be…continued.
"How Much Is Your Vagina Worth?" Blog #8
Did you know there is an exact price on your body? Yes, Jesus may have sacrificed His body for yours but for some reason, you've changed the cost. It's as if He sold the world your body for the highest bid but many donate or sell it at a discount. Believe it or not, before you open your legs, a man pays you for this opportunity. That number is why you probably attract quality men or consistently entertain the scum of the earth. There is a formula which breaks down how much you are worth.
Prior to giving the formula, ask yourself these questions about your last sexual partner: 1. What did he do to earn this opportunity? 2. Did he meet your standards completely? 3. Were you satisfied with his payment to have you? Take your answers and compare them to what you originally priced yourself. Example: I won't have sex with anyone who isn't my boyfriend, loves me and has met my parents. From here, you are gaining an understanding of your worth.
When a car has a ticket stating, "15.444$" but the dealer sells the car to you for 10.000$ that car isn't worth 15.444. It's worth less than 10.000$. In order for the dealer to make money, they have to sell the car above it's true value. Think about it. If you were worth what you said you are worth, but sell yourself for less, you are worth even lesser than that.
Now, once you break this down, you will begin to realize one thing…you may have given a man a discount who didn't deserve one to begin with. Many men didn't do anything amazing to even get a "dealers" deal for your body. When you process the formula, you might regret your last interaction but your next won't be regretful…unless you haven't learned this lesson. Here is the formula:
Take what you believe a man should do for your vagina.
Minus what he actually did.
This equals how much your vagina is worth.
- Wings, laughs and attention
= Attention, time and food with false hopes of commitment.
The True Cost of Your Vagina.
Try this formula on your last partner. If you sold yourself short, then why? What did he do to receive a “clearance”, “thrift” or “sale” on your gift?
You set the cost and we meet it. You have the power, not us. If you keep giving discounts, freebies or coupons, then you are setting the terms for your body at a low cost. It's your doing. Men can't tell you how much you are worth, you do it. We aren't able to tell you what to sell it for, only attempt to negotiate a lesser tag. You hold the power of choice. It's your body. If your fee is marriage and you sell yourself for marriage then your vagina is worth marriage. Think about it. It's a true formula but if you don't commit to an asking price…why would he?
Visit www.ChangeAMan.com and buy the book that reshapes the mind of women, shows the history of your power then breaks down how you can change any man with your value system. You will do it anyway...why not do it right? And that's real"
Why He Didn't Get You A Gift On V-Day? Blog 7
When was the last time you visited McDonalds, paid for a Big Mac, ate it, went home then on Valentines Day came back and gave the cashier flowers? Probably never, unless that employee was your Valentine. Well, this is the case, why give someone more than you feel they deserve? If your admission price was attention, laughs and time, then he paid the price. The extra isn't necessary because you don't require it.
Many women act as if Valentine's Day doesn't matter but would smile ear to ear if a man they cared for brought a truck filled with roses to their doorstep with white doves flying about. It's impossible for me to believe no woman wants to feel special on V-day. However, if you choose men who aren't equipped to care about making you feel special, you may in turn not care yourself. It's be default.
When you date men who only believe penis, movies and attention are the avenues to making a woman smile, then what can you truly expect from him? In this day and age, many men are suppressing their sensitivity to explore the societal belief of, "real men don't cry." In other words, they can't or won't show emotion because it could expose us as "lame." No man wants to do something nice for a woman, only to have her ignore, embarrass or not appreciate the gesture. If you date men who are of such cloth, you yourself don't demand more and/or are accustomed to being a physical toilet stool on V-day, then don't indulge in anger on V-day.
What can be done to make next year better? Change your standards. Everyday can be Valentine's Day if you make that your choice. No man should be able to lay up with you, occupy your time or gain your attention without cost. It's your choice to be nothing more. You have the choice. It's not force, you're not a victim and he's not in control.
If you never look in the mirror and at least see a woman who deserves flowers one day out of the year, then your reflection needs to be reshaped. God created man and WOMAN in His image…keep looking until you see someone who deserves more.
Who is the best cheater? Blog #6
I know what you're thinking…MEN! I can almost hear the collective screams from women (and men) from across the Internet. Funny how men are always deemed the greatest cheaters. Are we really the best cheaters? Do we cheat more than women? Is cheating in our nature? I wonder these things but found them all to be…. FALSE.
The best cheater in the world is seldom spoken of. This "type" cheats more often than not and rarely is honest. They are beyond the best cheaters; they are the worse people you will ever find. The funny thing about them, everyone knows one of them and will never admit they cheat or even acknowledge knowing them.
Who is the best cheater? Hate to have to make it public, but the best cheater is…. you. Yes, the greatest cheater is ourselves. We find ways to deny gifts from God, routes to live in mediocrity and lie about why we are where we are. We are the best cheaters hands down.
Think about this, who says, "He's too good to be true" or "She's too good. Has to be something wrong with her"? Yes…you. Who says, "I'm not good enough for this" or "I probably don't meet the requirements for this”? Yes…you. Lastly, who always has a reason why not to do better, try harder or attempt to do something new? Yes…you. We are our own worst enemies.
If you want to love the way you deserve to be loved, see new things you've never seen and become what you know you can become...stop cheating yourself. Go for it. God placed an amazing amount of great gifts and "too good to be true" things here on earth just for you. Attack, don't hesitate. If you don't think you are worth it, then I'll tell you that you are a liar. Don't cheat yourself anymore. Cheaters never prosper. I need you to prosper.
Yes ladies…judge a boy…I mean, “book” by its cover! Blog #5
Blood drenched, slow limping and with a stained butcher knife in his goliath-like right hand, he walks towards you on the same sidewalk. It's midnight; he's 100 feet away. You ponder, "He looks drunk". He's now 90 feet away. You say, "He's gigantic!" He's 80 feet away. Your heart skips three beats. He's now 70 feet away. What will you do?
1. Stay on the same street hoping he is just really early for Halloween.
2. Brace for a brawl with a costume serial killer
3. Quickly dial 911 and race across the street with your 70-foot head start
If you picked anyone but 3…you're either an amazingly ambitious positive thinker or one of the best fighters in the world! Now, in this scenario, most would pick the route to alleviate confrontation. It's common sense, right? He looks like a murderer. Walks like he's committed a crime. Even owns an enormous frame. Unless you are equally huge and don't own fear…you may share the same actions as most people. Or…you could be mistaken.
Wait…did I forget to mention he was a meat butcher, an ex-Marine who injured his leg defending American freedom and is only walking because his ride had an emergency? No matter the fact, I guarantee you only a few would wait and ask why. I wouldn't…and I'm an optimistic boxer.
Why on earth can't we judge books by their cover when it's regarding whom we entertain?
A guy sagging pants, weed breath and an amazing inability to work the English language he at least spent 12 years learning, has an equal chance at an intelligent female doctor than a God fearing, attractive male doctor. Why? Why can't you say, "He isn't worth my time"? Who made you gamble your vagina, heart and mind away with such an ignorant thought?
You dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Most men will dress and behave boyishly because they know the job of…YOU is attainable. He doesn't and won't alter his attire or mindset solely because it's in his best interest not to.
As long as we allow anyone into our lives using the,” Don’t just a book by it's cover" then you will also do the same with a guy in a business suit, well spoken and attractive. Note how many women say, "He's too good to be true"? Isn't that the same thing? Yet, amazingly him being "too good to be true" is enough to thwart a woman's allowance of him in her life but if he was "horrible enough to be realistic", it would be alright. Isn't that sad?
I advise all my clients to judge first. Why? When a man can't approach you with dignity, integrity while dressing the part, then he's showing you his audition tape for your love. If that's what you accept, then when you get the same in return in terms of attention, affection and adoration, why are you surprised?
This is your life and those old rules were meant for a time when men were coming off work in their overalls and maybe didn't speak good English courtesy of dropping out to feed their old mother or father. These men dress and behave like children because they can. If their job is street hustling, they speak improperly because of being inattentive in school and didn't finish school because the just didn't care, then why are you entertaining them? Why even waste your time to find out why they dress and behave this way?
If you saved 10,000$ for a car and the dealer brought you two cars:
1. A loud 94' ashy black Honda Civic with a missing bumper and door.
2. 2013 Hybrid fully equipped with everything you dreamed of
3. 2010 Mercedes that needs a little work but will get you where you need to go
Which would you entertain?
If you say, "Well…the Honda might be a good car, just needs a paint job, door and bumper" then you are part of the problem. Many women look at men and detail, "What can I fix?" Meanwhile, there is a man who doesn't need as much fixing or can actually make you look good is left in the showroom until you're destroyed by the accident caused by the Honda.
It's your choice, your body and your time. All men can be changed, but if you invest in a man that needs too much changing, you will run the risk of changing yourself before you change him.
7 Lies I Wouldn't Tell My Daughter Blog #4
1. You are the most beautiful woman in the world.
There will always be someone more beautiful but if you leave beauty as to what makes you special, then you aren't special.
2. If you love yourself, life will be easy.
Life is hard but loving yourself makes it easier. Not easy. Sometimes loving yourself is the most difficult part of life.
3. Don't talk to strangers.
Every best friend you will meet…is a stranger before, "hello." It's not strangers, it's people who will do you harm because you don't know their intentions. If they aren't teachers in class or me and mommy, avoid them at all costs.
4. No one you love or who loves you will make you cry.
Everyone can make you cry. It's just that some people will stay to wipe the tears, cry with you or apologize to make sure you never cry again.
5. You are daddy's princess.
You are daddy's everything. Without you, I'm not a king but a man wishing for you to revisit my life.
6. Everyone loses.
Only losers believe in losing. It takes a winner to see success in defeat.
7. It's the inside that matters.
Honor your outside and do the same for your inside. It's important to be attractive with an awesome attitude. Both reflect your altitude.
“Why He Lusts You…But Won't Love You” Blog #3
She gave him her body in exchange for his heart. He gave part of his day in exchange for her body. Now her heart is broken and he's moved on. Why was it so easy to give up on her when he shared her body? Her body is special, she doesn't just give it to everyone. Yet to him, it was as if her body meant nothing. Did she really believe he loved her or did she mistake his attention, jokes and intimacy as an odd form of love? Did she tell him she wanted love? Why was it so easy for him to lust her but seemingly impossible for him to love her?
The answer is simple, sad and scary. We live in a world where women are taught that sex is the admission price for a man's long term attention. They hope submission to his sexual desires will loan enough of his heart to garner the love they seek. Yet, such a believe is backwards, deadly and broken.
Love isn't an STD. You don't gain it from opening your legs nor will you lose it for closing them. If you want love, then demand love. It first starts with you demanding it from yourself. Do you love you? If not, then him loving you is a shallow, insignificant and impossible task. Odds are, if you don't love you, you won't be able to recognize his love as genuine. Most women who don't love themselves are known for uttering, "he's too good to be true." He isn't too good to be true, just proof that God can outdo the garbage she's used to.
A woman deserves love but if she doesn't make it a requirement before opening her legs, all she will get is lust. If sex is always topic of discussion, the two don't go out in public or during the day and he only texts her, this isn't love. This is lust.
Love is beautiful, happy and positive. This feeling can be given without word, feeling or gifts. The only requirement is faith. If he's not pushing her to be a better person, loving her for the person she is or challenging them both to love the God above, then they aren't in love, just a perverted form of lust. A woman can only receive what she accepts. Otherwise it's rape, assault or kidnapping. Women can choose to be loved or lusted after. It's all in what she requires from him. He will oblige because in reality, men...want love too.
Aim for love. If not, then you are settling for it's ugly cousin, lust.
"Vagina and Purses…How Women Talk" Blog #2
Men don't need books to figure out what a woman "wants". We just look at where you spend your time and who you spend your time with. Hence, women talk with their vaginas and pocket books. Again, understand men know what you want by who you sleep with and what/who you support financially. We watch you more than you know and study your actions more than you would be comfortable knowing. As many aim to cloak men in the "stupid" category, this creature is far from.
Men are hunters, women are prey (Sometimes that's reversed in some cities). The key to being a great hunter is knowing the prey you desire. Have you ever noticed women who are victims of domestic abuse typically end one abusive relationship to start anew with another abuser? Do you think such a traditionally poisonous cycle is coincidental? If so, then you're sadly mistaken. Have you ever wondered why most men who abuse women come from homes where the woman in his life was abused? He learned the odor of abused women then began the cycle himself. He studied such a woman for years as a youth and eventually targeted his own as he grew in age and intimate desire. We learn fast and forget little.
An example of our "learning": If you really want a "Christian" man, but are singing vulgar secular music, attending concerts or filling up clubs where such a man isn't valued, do you think a "Christian" man who knows of you will take you seriously? In addition, if a "Christian" man sees you holding hands with a man who is sagging his pants so low he has to put a belt across his shoes, do you think that man will introduce himself to you? So why do you think "I never run into Good men" is the typical line many women utter? It's solely because you talk with your money and attention. With social media in a prime state, men now can read your statuses, view pictures and gain a better understanding of who you are by what you invest in.
Time is money. If your "money" is invested in smut and filth, men will do the same to lure you. Why wouldn't we? Why be a gentleman to a woman who clearly considers politeness, passion for the arts and passive aggressiveness as "lame"? It's not smart because we know failure is imminent. Ex: If you are always posting pictures of being feisty at the club, "trap", festival or drunk at the "pub" don't you think men who frequent such establishments will detail your status as being on their level but not the level of a "good woman"? In reverse, men who are on the level you wish to attend will see this as a sign, "She's a hypocrite" and not take you seriously. If you always hang around men of low class, no matter if they're friends from childhood, men who never were raised to know how to behave as adults or whatever excuse we use to permit men to act primitive, the men who date or approach you will typically resemble them. You are who you hang around, even if it's not true to you it's true. If you sexually acknowledge (Have sex) one lowlife, you've just inspired 10 to believe they now have a chance with a woman of your caliber.
Sex and cash are how the world runs. Never mind the cash, let's talk about sex. If your last sexual partner wasn't worth anything, then you have a clear idea of why the next guy will be equal, lesser or a little better. Did you do anything differently than the last time, regarding your standards? Probably not. TV has much to do with this. It's ironic but many men on TV aren't prime examples of "good men" but it's all part of the mission to lower your standards. Most women don't realize that men dictate the media. They control how you think about age in relationship to your standards. Haven't you noticed being 30 is old for men but ancient for women? A man at 30 should be getting ready for marriage but a woman at 30 should've already been married and had a child or two. Why do you think this direction of the media inspires who you sleep with? Well, if you are 28, single and infected with this view, you probably will get pretty desperate and lower your standards a bit so the man you wouldn't have grinned at when you were 21 is now given your kool-aid smile. No good man who sees this will put you in the category of, "potential wife" and more importantly, neither would you. If you believed otherwise, this cretan wouldn't have this chance at impregnating you and making you another single mother. It's all a choice.
Pay attention to yourself in addition to what and who you pay attention to. The man of your dreams is watching you but if you're still living the nightmarish land of, "I'm young and can do whatever without consequence" or "he better love me the way I am, even if it's immature or dangerous" prepare for an onerous fairytale on an island of self-inflicted misery.
How To Find A Good Man Blog Entry #1
Where are they? Are they in some cave in Europe being held hostage only to be released already married, successful and uninterested in…you? No…you know where they are? They are at the grocery store, church, temple, mosque…etc. Sadly, it's not the true question of, "Where are the good men?" it's more of the problem with why you can't or won't recognize one…when you see one.
Good men are an acquired taste. You have to train your eye, heart and mind to not only see or desire but also understand a good man. Many women have a few good men around them everyday…all day. Oddly, those men are deemed, "My guy friend", "My best friend" or the infamous, "Lame, goofy or nerdy". You can take your pick but in almost every woman's life, she's uttered one of those words to a man who would eventually become a husband to a very happy wife. Meanwhile, you've been a girlfriend to men who wouldn't marry you if it could raise their credit score. Prior to helping you find a good man, let's venture into breaking down why you probably would ignore one even if he were next to you right now.
First and foremost, good men aren't always built up like Denzel or Tom Cruise. That's Hollywood…not reality. What ruins most women is they expect a man who is ultra smooth but tough and nonchalant (all simultaneously) yet they never realize what creates a man to be such a way. Most men who are so are so because of how many women we've flirted with, dated or gained attention from…period. It's not TV...it’s practice and what works for that man. Notice how when you meet a man of such stature, you automatically label him, "Player"? (Maybe because he is or was.) Nevertheless, the point is good men aren't always the smoothest guys around. That doesn't mean one of those men who fit the aforementioned description can't be a good man. It just details what many women expect in a good man aren't always qualifiable characteristics. Good men mostly share these specifications: 1. Passion for a subject. 2. God fearing. 3. Desire to accomplish 4. Reluctance to engage in trouble 5. Persistence. If you can seek these inside any man you acknowledge, you will easily begin to understand what really builds families.
Breaking down those five qualities is most imperative to finding a good man. As previously stated, it's not about where he is but you recognizing him when you see him. Passion for a subject. A man without passion isn't a man but a boy. Boys are very attractive to women because they present a very easy image of, "I can nurse and fix him". However, most men are passionate for something. Be it to finish college, build a model car…etc, many have it. Passion is noticeable because he's going to speak of his subject quite often. (You will eventually become a passion as well) God fearing. A man who has a love for God and/or a true want to learn more about his Savior is a man. He must have been this way before meeting you. Otherwise it could just be a set up. Early on meeting a man, some women tend to disclose what they need in a mate and the mate…just fakes it. Now back to the point. Love for God should be seen as honorable but many ignore it because such brings about apprehension regarding negative or ungodly actions, such as excessive drinking, partying or fornication. If you aren't ready give up ungodly actions then how can you find a partner who is willing to tie the knot with you...under God? Don't fear a man who fears God...embrace him. Desire to accomplish. If he has no goal in life, he doesn't have a life. We are led by our goals. The sheer desire wakes us up. It inspires our breathing and purpose. This isn't something you have to wait to see, such is very evident in any man who has it. Those who follow my work have noticed this in me by the second they met me. It's what men have that separates us from boys. When you meet him, ask him what does he desire to accomplish. That alone will bring about an hour conversation. Reluctance to engage in trouble. Bad boys are ready to fight for you…Good men don't put you or themselves in a position for violence to be a subject matter. Clear difference. Good men have something to lose, thus they aren't interested in defending their manhood with fists or guns. They would rather call the police or walk away from the issue. Why? If you want to succeed in building computers…try doing it with a broken hand. This is how good men think. We put our futures before our immediate emotions. Boys can't and won't do this. It's always, "I am no punk" type of mentality, which some women are woefully attracted to. When he’s released from imprisonment, all the goals he wished to accomplish…will be sidelined. Either by probation or injury. Yeah, you may be happy your man is a "tough guy" but now he's going to be a broken tough guy. Good men don't want trouble, we want success and happiness. Persistence. You will never see a good man who isn't persistent at a feat he knows is reachable. Never. In this case, you are that award. His reward for chasing and courting you…is you. I'm not repeating myself; there is a clear difference in having you as a girlfriend and ultimately having all of you. Many women give all of themselves to a man as a mere girlfriend but then wonder why she never becomes the wife. A man has no objection with gaining all of you at a discount. He will just locate another who has the ability to ration herself. He marries her. Persistence is his sheer undaunted and immeasurable talent in gaining your permanent attention. This is the one trait most men have. Sometimes it's inspired by lust. Which makes it very confusing. Is he after you to truly get to know you or…your vagina? The best way to understand this is reading him. In this day, our bodies are given like toll on a busy highway. You aren't toll. Your time and attention are toll. Let him earn your body. If your body is something he wishes to pass through and you note that by his persistent mentioning of it, then you know your answer. Whatever he mentions the most, is what he's persistently after. Don't play dumb or ignorant to his gestures or mentions, it's all a sign to what he wants most. If you don't, you will become a victim. Unless sex is all you have or all you want as well…then…you're good.
Those are the traits. It takes time to recognize these in their entirety but that is where many women fail. You want a good man right now but that's not how it works. You are worthy of taking time to know if someone is worth your time. Think about what you've done in the past. Has it worked? Has giving yourself up for conversation, movies, dinner and attention been a successful tradition? If so, then please continue but if not, then maybe adding "time" to that recipe will taste better. Remember also, that good men are everywhere but in certain places, they can't be as good as you would want them to be. Example: A club. He can't or probably won't talk about God while Red Hot Chilly Peppers or Lil Wayne is blasting in the background. In the same sense, he should still be a gentleman. The conversation may be different as well. It's hard to talk about your goals and aspirations while you're screaming into someone's ear. Even in church. It's a place many women want to believe good men exist but if he's trying to pick you up at church and not fully focused on God...then you may doubt his goodness. Therefore, the main idea is time. Take your time. It's an old word that has no new meaning. When you meet him, wherever you meet him, love yourself enough to take it slow. No sex, kissing or intimacy on the first night or few weeks. A good man doesn't mind earning his position. It's what separates us from boys. Lastly, don't fail to know good men make mistakes too. A good woman will stay with a bad boy for years and rarely become anything more than a single mother or almost girlfriend. Yet, if she is with a good man, it could end in him coming home too late on one occasion. Good men make mistakes and that doesn't denigrate our goodness. We need changing too. No man is perfect but for you and with your ability to "Change Him"…he can be perfect for you.